So I've had depression for most of my life. I've dealt with it myself, having bad days but also having good ones too, so I never was too concerned. However, about a month ago, I got dumped and I've never been in such a bad place.
I feel sick to my stomach and depressed beyond belief every moment that I'm awake. I can barely get myself out of bed. I've had days where I won't even set my feet on the floor till 10 pm. I feel as if I'm drowning, or being buried alive in a hole that's too deep to climb out of. I cry constantly and feel utterly hopeless. The worst part is that I don't see an end to it. Every day is the same, I wake up in (for lack of a better word) agony and wish that I didn't wake up at all. I have no hope of ever being happy again, or of this pain ending. I feel as if I waste the air I breathe and that life isn't worth living. I'm not suicidal, but I don't want to be alive either.
I'll try and explain the situation. The breakup was, as most people call it, messed up. Up until the day he decided to dump me, everything was perfect. The very day, I woke up in his arms and he told me later that he loved me more than the sky was big. It was so out of the blue. The day he dumped me he also deleted me on Facebook, blocked my number, and cut off every form of communication we could possibly have, cutting me out entirely. For four and a half weeks he ignored me. He then called me once, but still shed no light on the situation. I only got empty apologies, and a lot of "you're not the one" and "I just can't explain it" he then immediately blocked my number again.
The thing is that I was good to him. I was honest and faithful in everything I said and did, I always went out of my way for him, always shared in the activities he liked to do, supported him, helped him, and loved him unconditionally. I usually blame myself for everything that goes wrong in my life, but I can't think of anything that I did that could warrant this.
I feel like I've run out of options. I'm about to start therapy, but I feel like it won't help. I try distracting myself, being around loved ones, pushing forward with my life as best as I can (I'm a college student so that entails making it to classes and trying to do all the work), but nothing has helped. I'm honestly so scared, I don't want to keep feeling this way every second that I'm alive, but I don't see it ending. I don't see a way out of this pain.
Is there anyone who's been through anything like this, or deals with severe depression as well and can give advice?