Depression is getting the best of me
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Depression is getting the best of me

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Old 01-07-15, 07:55 PM   #1
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So I've had depression for most of my life. I've dealt with it myself, having bad days but also having good ones too, so I never was too concerned. However, about a month ago, I got dumped and I've never been in such a bad place.

I feel sick to my stomach and depressed beyond belief every moment that I'm awake. I can barely get myself out of bed. I've had days where I won't even set my feet on the floor till 10 pm. I feel as if I'm drowning, or being buried alive in a hole that's too deep to climb out of. I cry constantly and feel utterly hopeless. The worst part is that I don't see an end to it. Every day is the same, I wake up in (for lack of a better word) agony and wish that I didn't wake up at all. I have no hope of ever being happy again, or of this pain ending. I feel as if I waste the air I breathe and that life isn't worth living. I'm not suicidal, but I don't want to be alive either.

I'll try and explain the situation. The breakup was, as most people call it, messed up. Up until the day he decided to dump me, everything was perfect. The very day, I woke up in his arms and he told me later that he loved me more than the sky was big. It was so out of the blue. The day he dumped me he also deleted me on Facebook, blocked my number, and cut off every form of communication we could possibly have, cutting me out entirely. For four and a half weeks he ignored me. He then called me once, but still shed no light on the situation. I only got empty apologies, and a lot of "you're not the one" and "I just can't explain it" he then immediately blocked my number again.

The thing is that I was good to him. I was honest and faithful in everything I said and did, I always went out of my way for him, always shared in the activities he liked to do, supported him, helped him, and loved him unconditionally. I usually blame myself for everything that goes wrong in my life, but I can't think of anything that I did that could warrant this.

I feel like I've run out of options. I'm about to start therapy, but I feel like it won't help. I try distracting myself, being around loved ones, pushing forward with my life as best as I can (I'm a college student so that entails making it to classes and trying to do all the work), but nothing has helped. I'm honestly so scared, I don't want to keep feeling this way every second that I'm alive, but I don't see it ending. I don't see a way out of this pain.

Is there anyone who's been through anything like this, or deals with severe depression as well and can give advice?
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Old 01-07-15, 09:59 PM   #2
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Well, Ive been through some rough relationships, so I can talk about that for hours if that would help, and I certainly know where you are coming from with the doing your best and it not being enough, and it has led to me blaming my way into my current terrible state, so if you want someone to talk to and to sympathize, I'm here, but I can't really give advice on how to get out of it, because I haven't really managed it to this point, but I wish you luck. I know how hard it is
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Old 01-07-15, 10:48 PM   #3
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Yes Bbird, it's good if you can go for all the options you have to distract yourself. I hope you can go to the therapist too. Make busy can help you. When you're too busy, as days goes by, you find that this down episode of life has subside slowly without you realize it.

I know it's hard to do coz our feeling can sometimes too hurt to even wanting to see the world.

But it's not your fault. You've done all for him. Some people for some reason are just too hard to continue for reason only known to them.

(((((((((( BBird )))))))))))
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Old 01-08-15, 01:32 AM   #4
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I'm very sorry about your relationship. Unfortunately, most relationships end in some sort of painful way unless they end up in marriage or some other lifetime commitment, so it's something that we all will go through and more times than we want. Some hurt more than most. If you have some friends that you can spend time with doing things you enjoy, that can help the healing process. But it is an unfortunate truism that most of these things heal with a lot of time and tears.

There will be other guys though. May not happen as soon as you want it to, but I'm not one who believes that there is only one soulmate out on this very large world for each of us.

And I care that you're hurting.
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Old 01-08-15, 02:14 AM   #5
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hi there! I’ve been through it too. although it was me who decided to end the relationship, I hoped for a good ending for us, I really wanted to stay friends. but then I found out about some nasty things my partner said about me and it became impossible for us to stay close after the break up. the thing is, I was always good, honest, caring, just like you and for a really long time I couldn’t understand why it happened. I was hurt as hell, I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe. the pain was exruciating.
all I can tell you is: be patient. don’t overthink the situation, don't analyse it. pain will fade away, it always does. always. I promise.
don’t go hard on yourself. step by step, try to get back to things you love to do. keep yourself busy so that you will stop think about your relationship, the pain. it will take time, but eventually you will get better. be patient.
remember, you are not alone.
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Old 01-08-15, 02:28 PM   #6
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Hopefully you did not already state this and I missed it, but how long were you guys together?
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