It can be difficult
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It can be difficult

This is a discussion on It can be difficult within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; This is my first post here, I felt I just wanted to share what has been going on with me ...

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Old 11-17-08, 03:41 PM   #1
 
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Default It can be difficult

This is my first post here, I felt I just wanted to share what has been going on with me in a place where people understand depression. Oftentimes when you try to look for help elsewhere you get people who have very negative stereotypes about depression, which honestly only makes it worse.

I have had what I would consider depression for a number of years. It tends to go into recessions and resurgences throughout the year. I notice when I do start having symptoms again I start to withdraw into my own head, which only starts a sort of feedback loop which doesn't help very much at all. So I normally try to talk about how I feel with a few close friends in order to keep it out from the inside of my head. But now it has reached a severity where I am having real difficulty talking to anybody about it on a legitimate level, so I'm starting to feel it escalate at an increasing pace.

This is frightening, and I am really starting to have difficulty coping.
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Old 11-17-08, 04:15 PM   #2
 
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I know exactly what you mean about the feedback loop of bad thoughts. Sometimes it helps to have someone else's perspective, to help you find your way out of a cycle like that.

Sometimes, your friends can help you do that. Like the people here. We'd love to help you by being a sounding board for your ideas and thoughts. We won't judge you or laugh at what you have to say.

But there are also some times when it helps to have a professional to talk to. Have you ever considered talking to a therapist? They have special training to help you learn healthier behavior, like breaking your feedback cycle of thinking. I mention this as an option because you sound as tho' things have been getting steadily worse than before. When we need help with our feelings, that's where a therapist can help. They know how to talk on that "legitimate" level you mentioned.

In any case, I'm glad to meet you. Welcome to the forum. I hope writing here will help you feel a little less afraid, and perhaps a little less alone. You're right on the money about the desire to talk to people about how you're feeling. Be encouraged by this, you're on the right track. It'll be okay.

LZ
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Old 11-17-08, 04:18 PM   #3
 
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I have seen a social worker for a number of years, but sometimes things just don't get sorted out by a professional, and they still just echo around.
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Old 11-17-08, 04:25 PM   #4
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pax Americana View Post
I have seen a social worker for a number of years, but sometimes things just don't get sorted out by a professional, and they still just echo around.
Forgive my ignorance, but I'm not familiar with what a social worker actually does. Do they have a degree in psychology?

I'm curious as to what is not getting sorted out. Altho' I would understand if it is difficult to explain.

LZ
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Old 11-17-08, 04:27 PM   #5
 
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I use social worker as a general term, I see a psychotherapist on a weekly basis.
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Old 11-17-08, 04:40 PM   #6
 
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Okay, I understand now. I just got confused because my sister has a Masters Degree in social work, and she does not do the work of a therapist at all (in fact, she's barely had any psychology classes at all).

Do you feel uncomfortable talking about what you're thinking on a deep level with your psychotherapist, or is it made more difficult by your current prediliction to withdraw into yourself?

LZ
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Old 11-17-08, 04:42 PM   #7
 
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I feel highly uncomfortable about it, I have difficulty speaking about it at all. I just end up having a guilt trip about it and everything just going downhill from there. I know perfectly well it isn't my fault but it is just an automatic reaction to keep away from sharing these things now.
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Old 11-17-08, 05:04 PM   #8
 
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Well, I can understand getting to a place in therapy where I become uncomfortable talking about certain things. Like logic that doesn't make sense, but its the only coping mechanism you have to lean on.

Well, I'm not sure what advice I can give you, but I will say that everything here is completely anonymous, so effectually you can say whatever you want here and no one can harm you. You are not risking much by telling us what is on your mind, as we don't know who you are.

So, perhaps if you can become more comfortable talking about it here, that would help you talk about it with your therapist, or other friend whom you trust. I can think of certain things where posting on a forum has helped me become more confident in talking about myself. Even when the discomfort is great on my part, I find that writing it down (and in some cases having others read and give feedback) helps my perspective stay fresh and keeps my own personal doubts and/or paranoia to a minimum. This is my thinking on the subject.

So....... can you share a little about what's on your mind? I feel you must want to on some level, or else you would not have come here. I hope so, as I'd love to know more about you.

LZ
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Old 11-17-08, 09:53 PM   #9
 
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I've had depression run in my family, and now I have had suffered what I would have described as depression. My doctor describes it as dysthymia, we disagree.

I have cyclic mood issues and insomnia (which is now worsened by nightmares)

I haven't really ever gone into exactly what happened with many people before, but in general I went through a relationship that at this point many people would say was abusive but I still have trouble considering it that.

I cut, and recently have only been doing it more and more, but I am trying to stop now.

I had a lot of trouble typing that all out.
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Old 11-17-08, 10:12 PM   #10
 
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You're doing fine. Everything you said was very clear and makes sense.

I have a question for you. The doctor who told you you have dysthymia, is it your family doctor or your therapist? People can say what they want, but only *you* know what you feel.

I'm very proud of you, I know you are afraid. Nothing bad is going to happen. They're just words, and they can help us understand you. I think most people want to be understood, especially those of us who are struggling with depressive feelings.

Tell us more, if you feel you can. The relationship you mentioned.... are you still involved in that relationship, or is it something from your past?

You're doing very well.

LZ
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