this beach (my grand mother) and I
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this beach (my grand mother) and I

This is a discussion on this beach (my grand mother) and I within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; I hate her. she discuses me. she is the devil herself. May the universe help me. She hated my father ...

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Old 12-30-12, 07:10 AM   #1
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I hate her. she discuses me. she is the devil herself. May the universe help me.

She hated my father blamed him for everything. He was very bad to my mom but she was a bad mother to my mom as well. The result of everyones mistakes, including my mom's (for the last years at least where she is more mature), is me being 35, no job, no family no children, very hard working, very well educated, very smart, very kind, pretty, my half brother(from my dad) commited suicide 3 times this year and I had no idea. I have not seen my dad for 21 years. and never had relationships with him. AND THIS FUCKING BEACH CAN NOT SHUT UP AND STAY IN HER ROOM AND UNDERSTAND I NEED HELP RIGHT NOW, with having savere panick attacks and agoraphobia and depression for 5 years now.

I dont want her to help me. I want my mom to help me, but my mom is the only one I have and she is also the only one who has to also take care of this beach. And has explained to her that I am sick and my condition needs to be understood and am very angry with the severe mistakes they both have done in my childhood and still. BUT THE BEACH TOLD MY MOM TODAY SHE WANTS TO SUICIDE OR SOMETHING, AN HOUR AGO THAT MADE MY MOM GO APES AND SHAWTING AND SENDING BOTH HER AND ME TO HELL. She has everything, a beautifull house, the best food cooked by my mom, plasma tv 32', good books I carefully select for her, two big courtyeards, neighbours, beutifull neighbourhood, her two doughters love her and care for her(my stupid aunty lives abroad and we cant send her to her she is 85 now and afraid she may dye there and costs will be arround 30.000$ to bring her back dead). I had always loved her and listened to her problems extensively and been more than kind to her. I am very sick right now and high unemployment rate has exhousted everyone. 3000 people suicided this year in Greece because of similar problems and SHE CANT SHUT THE FUCK UP AND THING THAT OTEHR PEOPLE HAVE PROBLEMS AS WELL FOR ONCE!

I am afraid my mom will start shouting at me again and blaming me and stop paying the therapist or something will happen to my mom because of high stress. or her sending me to hell, is something she has been doing all my life. have nowhere else to go. no job, no friends able to support me, no family I can trust. I am afraid something is going to happen to my mom and I will be fucked or this situation will go out of control with the beach suiciding or something and THAT WILL MAKE MY MOM CRAZY AND THE SMALL SOCIETY BEEING NOIZY AND MY FAMILY BEING EXPOSED FOR ONE MORE TIME.AND AGAIN I WILL BE THE STIGMATIZED CHILD. SO MUCH STIGMA IN ME YOU CANT IMAGINE..

THE FUCKING BEACH!

how can I confrond her? how can I tell her to SHUT THE FUCK UP? how can I confront the society if she does anything silly?

Last edited by Christineblue; 12-30-12 at 07:13 AM.
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Old 12-31-12, 12:41 PM   #2
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I'm really sorry that you have to experience this pain right now :( It seems, from what I understand, that you have a lot of troubles but there isn't anyone around to really give you the attention you need and deserve. My uncle was a drug addict and has severed mental health problems, he is the reason why I gave up trying to tell the rest of my family because they, like your mom, have other problems and little time for me. It doesn't mean it is right.

When I had too many emotions I couldn't cope with I'd write it on paper, all of it, and found it calmed me down. Later on, when I was calmer, I would give this letter to my BF as I could never tell him my problems by speaking - either I was worried it'd get out of control emotionally. I found letting him read my letter, or email, when I wasn't around helped keep communication and things calm.

You say you have no work? Have you thought about volunteering somewhere? I has been brought up in other places and I think it would be a great idea if you manage it, even online. It's something that can be put on your cv and can help distract you a little.

Wishing you the best.
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