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This is a discussion on Alone. within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; Hey all, My name's Nicky, and I'm a 20 year old university student. I wanted to join a forum where ...

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Old 09-10-10, 10:35 AM   #1
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Unhappy Alone.

Hey all,
My name's Nicky, and I'm a 20 year old university student.
I wanted to join a forum where I could talk to other people who understand what it's like to constantly have that feeling of loneliness and despair. Even when it's unjustified.

I have been battling with several eating disorders for over a year now, caused by dieting and poor body image gone too far. I associate all of my emotions with food. I struggle to stop thinking about it, but know that when I'm unhappy, I turn to it.

I only became aware of it being associated with my depression when I went overseas for 3 weeks a few months ago. For the first time in years, I was truly happy and having a good time. And surprise surprise. I barely ever thought about food, and 2-3 bites of anything and I was stuffed. Returning home at my goal weight of 110 pounds, I managed to fall back into old eating patterns, putting me back at 115. In my obsessive state, I see myself as fat. And now I'm back to square one. Dieting, bingeing, and being unable to stop.

I am utterly repulsed by what I see in the mirror. Fat hips, fat stomach, double chin. Not to mention the flat chest and massive bags under my eyes. It took all my courage to tell my mum that I have problems with food. She didn't take it seriously. I asked her to stop having cereal in the cupboard, because it was my binge trigger. Her response was "Why should I suffer because you can't control yourself?"

Though my friends know me as bubbly and friendly, underneath it all, I just want to lay in my bed all day and night and sleep. And be left alone. I am single by choice, because I get fed up with guys not 'getting me' right away, or i judge them too quickly. If I do find a guy i like, I sleep with them, and then get bored of them. Sometimes I feel that I use sex as a distraction from food. It works...only temporarily though.

Most days I'm just so unhappy. I just feel so alone. And I'm always exhausted. Like I haven't slept in days.

In nature, I am too stubborn of a person to ever ask for help. So I thought the best way would be to do it anonymously.

Thanks for reading my epicly long spiel <3
InLoveAndDeath is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-10-10, 07:26 PM   #2
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Same here.
You're not alone :)
I gained more then a STONE with depression, and recently I experienced loss of appetite and lost most of it! Still that didn't make me happy.
I hate my body too, I do want to exercise and get rid of it but everytime I think about it I'm not motivated enough to actually do it and I just think 'whats the point?'.
I've been depressed for about 1 year now. Emotions go up and down, I'm currently on anti depressants maybe they can help you.
The key is to go to the doctors, talk about your problems, cry, storm out of the room and then come whimpering back because your mum forces you. That's how it worked out for me anyway.

I find that too I just want to be alone, just staying in my room all day just watching TV shows that are beyond boring. Don't sleep with people to make yourself feel better, that's like having a drug addiction. If you need sex that much masturbate? I don't do it but if it helps, then go for it! :)

I really hope you do feel better soon. We both have a long ride to get over this.

And as for the sleeping thing, I can't sleep... I get maximum like 4/5 hours a sleep a night (if I'm lucky!) and then I wake up (usually around 2pm/3pm) feeling exhausted everyday.


By the way, I know you hate yourself but theres more to life then looks, and I really hope you don't take the bullimic or anorexic road because I did and it's so horrible, I'm still suffering from the effects.

If you ever need to talk message me! I'm fucking lonely too! lmao.

Btw, your name? In Love and Death? I LOVE THE USED!
__________________
I have tried literally everything and I AM STILL DEPRESSED. I AM SICK OF IT!

On this site to try and find a friend whos going through similar things that I'm going through, so we can talk about anything we want to eachother without thinking we're boring eachother.

I like House, The Mentalist, Lie to me, How I met your mother, Sex and the city, Casualty, Holby City and American Dad.

I have dad issues. Anyone else?


And I want to be a nurse one day.
Amyholic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-10-10, 07:29 PM   #3
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Heres some tips that I did, though I'm still a disaster. I had another massive crying fit just an hour ago, I seriously contemplated suicide but I could never do that to my mum. But anyway tips!

1) Get a pet, apparently a good pick me up for depression.
2) I wouldn't advise it but smoking helps if you're anxiety and stress levels are as bad as mine.
3) I bought a self help depression book, that teaches you to turn negative thoughts into good thoughts into good emotions (haven't read it all yet) it's like a text book and you write in it too.
4) Songs? I'll be Okay- McFly.
5) Sex? Though we've both tried that and you're lucky to still have a sex drive mine is completely dead.

Hope you get better, crappy tips but I hope they help!

xxxx
__________________
I have tried literally everything and I AM STILL DEPRESSED. I AM SICK OF IT!

On this site to try and find a friend whos going through similar things that I'm going through, so we can talk about anything we want to eachother without thinking we're boring eachother.

I like House, The Mentalist, Lie to me, How I met your mother, Sex and the city, Casualty, Holby City and American Dad.

I have dad issues. Anyone else?


And I want to be a nurse one day.
Amyholic is offline   Reply With Quote
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