I wanted to make a long intro, but things are too complicated.
Basically, EDNOS (for about 13 years), anxiety and depression (10 years, recently significantly worse than it has been for a few years), history of sexual abuse (about 8 years ago), and I'm a social work student so I study rape/sexual abuse which seems to be overwhelming.
I have a lot of obligations and my health (PCOS, migraines, unexplained body pain) and mental health issues, combined with a lack of medical care (insurance is out of area and my campus clinic won't treat my PCOS, so I have to drive 5 hours to see a doctor which is not really doable with my schedule), make it REALLY hard to get things done. I feel like quitting everything and running away, but I don't want to leave and give up because I am trying to make a life with my boyfriend.
I have minimal family support and although I'm in individ couseling (every 2-3 weeks) and group counseling for ED (every week) and my boyfriend, I feel like I'm spiraling. I hate my body and who I am, I feel weak and inferior. I want to start over but clearly that isn't an option. I want to feel like my boyfriend's life isn't being ruined by me, even though he says he wants to be here and helps. We have a very strong relationship but seeing him upset and worried about me is almost as hard as everything else.
I don't know what I'm saying, but I figured this could only help.