When Did the Sun Set?

TheLostAlmostWoman · 03-25-09, 09:44 PM

The Florida summer is hot. I am perspiring into a puddle on the pavement, transforming into sizzling, steam cloud drifting up to the sky. Really, I am just lounging against the cool, shaded wall of the convenience store with my eyes fixed up. I am trying to determine if the cotton cloud overhead is a dog or a monkey. One minute it seems like a heeling dog, the next a lanky monkey, dog, monkey, dog… monkey… maybe it is a dog-monkey? Maybe the heat is getting to me.

With languid, heated limbs I stretch myself out. My skin is hot, wet, slick, smooth, tan… to the beach or the library? Maybe Denny’s. Don’t forget book, water, and towel. Car engines whine down the road, radios battle, tourist lotion, natives lounge, bums hawk, artists paint with long, patient strokes, and my sandal’s make sticking noises pulling off the asphalt.

“Hey…”--the music in the street is a mix of rap, pop, Latin—“Hey! Pink Bikini! Hey, wait up…” Me? Who? Wha—

Trimmed finger nails, callused hands, long arms, muscular chest, blonde hair, blue eyes—“You left this? Sorry, I tried to call you, but you didn’t hear me. Your wallet.”

My hair was falling into my eyes, and consciously I began to swipe at the sweat beads forming on my forehead. “What? Uh… yes? You called. Sorry, it was the music—“ my arms fling out vaguely. There is definitely sweat drifting down my navel… what was I thinking? Walking about half naked, and talking to some surfing god. “My wallet? Did you lift it?” Now it all made sense… he stole my wallet and was feeling guilty. He should, but he was hot so it was probably luck that he stole it. Otherwise he would never have talked to me—

“No! You left it. Over there…” mmmm long arm, nice hands, crap yeah… that was definitely where I was sitting. Damn. “so I saw you leaving and you left this. You should be more careful. Someone could have taken everything and you would never have known.”

Dreamily, “Yeah… hey, thanks. I think I better get going to the library now.” Stupid! Hot boys don’t like library’s, “Uhm, Denny’s I mean…” OR coffee and beatnik discussions of the decadence of society, “THE BEACH!” Hah, that’s it! The beach is popular for anyone… “I mean, I am going to the beach, and I must have been distracted. There was this dog-monkey issue, and then I was listening to the way all the music blends together, and thinking about the tourists/ artists/ such. You know. Glad you saved me.” Ok, well this is like super awkward, initialize operation rapid exit. “Bye, the sun’s setting, beach’s eroding, I don’t want to miss out—you know?” Walk quickly, avoid eye-contact, don’t look back…

A warm, masculine rumble sounded behind me, his hand was cover his mouth stifling a laugh. A perfect white smile, “That beach?” He threw his thumb over his shoulder.

TheLostAlmostWoman · 03-25-09, 09:45 PM

“Yeah…” on a sigh, “Haven’t you heard? The journey is just as important as getting there?” My smile, shy and tenuous. Please don’t tease me. Please don’t call me a nerd. Weird girl. Awkward girl. Freak. Please, please, please, just turn around and go talk to someone else.

“Well, if that’s the case I better give you a ride. You know? You can journey further that way.” A wink. Is he flirting with me? Me? I check over my shoulder… no I am definitely the only one he could be talking to.

“O.K.” That was a little shaky, “I mean, if you don’t have other plans. I understand if you have other things to do.”

Ahh… that smile. “You’re a funny girl. No, I don’t have other plans. Come one.” He ran a hot palm over my back, guiding me to his Jeep.

“So you surf?”

“Yeah, I live right here on the beach. I am out all the time.” He shoots me another smile and closes the door.

Buckle, click, snap my seat belt is in place. His hair is a sandy-typed blond, the kind that is probably light brown when not exposed to so much sun. His arms are freckled, like chocolate sprinkles on an ice cream cone, his lips are pink tomato flesh, his nose a point, and his eyes a web of creases in the corners. How old is he? I shift my gaze to the passing landscape. Flaking pink painted houses, buckled sidewalks, brown palm trees, and the smell salt and charcoal, “Where are we going?” This looks pretty unfamiliar to me. We were moving parallel to the beach but south away from the tourist center.

“To my apartment, we just talked about it.” I thought we were just going for a ride; he only said he lived on the beach. “Hey listen, I can take you back. I hate drama, and if you are one of those dramatic chicks always trying to start trouble. I don’t want to hang out with you. It is just cheaper to hang out at my place. I can get you a drink, the beach is right there, and I have a shower. But WHATEVER, I don’t do drama.”

“No. No, I am not a dramatic chick.” What was I thinking? I was always the one easy to get along with. Of coarse I didn’t put him out. What was I thinking? Obviously, things were better if I went to his place. He didn’t want to go anywhere with me where he had to pay for a drink… this is the most attractive man to ever talk to me. What am I thinking? Be cool, chill, we are just hanging out. I bet he even has chips and soda, maybe we can watch a movie together, and talk. Maybe he likes some of the same music I do… “I guess that I just forgot.” Smile and laugh at myself, “I don’t drive much because I walk everywhere.”

He mocks studiousness, “Hey, your not underage are you?”

TheLostAlmostWoman · 03-25-09, 09:46 PM

Damn! How did he know??? I can’t tell him because then he won’t want to hang out with me… “Uh, no of coarse not; I’m 22. I study English.” Smile, smile, smile… my fists are knotted in my shorts. Please don’t reject me. Please forget about it.

“Yeah” he nods to me, “I could tell from the moment I saw you that you were a real cool girl. Totally not dramatic. Look, that’s mine on the corner.”

My eyes follow his gesture, a yellow apartment complex on the far side of the road is visible. There are a few scraggly plants outside, trying to grow in the sand, but failing miserably. There sickly green leaves about to fall.

“Awesome.”

“Yeah, I think you are a real cool girl. I am so happy you came with me, you know most girls are so dramatic. Do this for me. Buy me this. Take me here.” I would never do those things! Surely he could tell I was not so superficial. I was anything but! I was meditative, shy, a bit sweet, nice to everyone, and really… I just wanted a friend. A good friend. Someone to talk to. Never, ever, ever would I think someone attractive would want to be a friend with me.

“This is it.” He holds the door open for me, and I walk onto the cool white tile. Everything is black and white, and the furnishings are sparse. “Here let me get you a drink.” My sandal’s make a scrapping sound against the floor, I take them off.

His handsome face smiles down at my shoeless feet, as I stand there looking around. “Here you are, my lady.” I blush.

“Uh, do you have soda or something? I really don’t drink much.”

“Come on and live a little.” His fingers brush mine—hot mingled with the cool perspiration of the bottle.

“Yeah, OK.” I take a sip. Taking in the computer desk, a picture of a blond boy, the dishes drying, the black futon, the tv and stereo, a fish tank—“You are really beautiful.” He is right beside me, I blush, turn my face. Why is he so close? Why does he think I am pretty? “Ah, I like that. You are shy. I can’t believe you don’t hear that all the time… I am sure men are just throwing themselves at you.”

A giggle busts forth, and I look up at him. “Yeah, right. No… at last count exactly no men have been throwing themselves at me.” His hand slips behind me, pulling me closer to him.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Uh, no… I don’t think that is a good idea. We were going to go on the beach?” I try to pull back, but I am firmly pressed against him.

TheLostAlmostWoman · 03-25-09, 09:46 PM

“I am tired just now from driving you all the way out here. Why don’t you lay down with me for a few seconds. I know you feel like it is a waste of time to be nice to me since I KNOW you have so many other men in your life, but could you just do me this little favor.” His grip tightens and he is pressing against me.

“I…” What is going on? Why aren’t we going to the beach? How could I be so dramatic and force him to drive me all the way out here? I am not ungrateful of his attention, why doesn’t he know that? What did I say? What—

“Come on.” Hooking an arm around my waist he steers me to the bedroom. His other arm looping around my stomach and holding my back against them, a hand travels up and lays against my swim suit top—

“I really don’t feel comfortable…”

“I am just helping you relax. If you didn’t want to be here why did you come? Lay down with me, you will feel much better. Oh you are so pretty.” His hands slid down my sides bringing me to the bed with him. “Just relax. I just need to lay down for a bit. There is nothing to worry about.”

That’s right. Why am I flipping out about this. He will be fine in a few minutes and we will go to the beach or watch a movie or just talk. It will be fine like before. Remember how great that felt? Being talked to and liked.

His hands started running up my legs, hips, and stomach. My body stiffens. “Please can we just stay still? I am having trouble getting comfortable with you touching me.”

“No, you are uncomfortable, and I am soothing you. Here” he slipped his hand down to my shorts and loosed the button, “this will make you feel much more comfortable.”

I tried to move my hands to cover myself but one arm was stuck under me and the other clamped tight between he and me. His rough hands grated, scraping, clawing my skin was crawling. I was trying to move but couldn’t get away. All sides of me… he was there.

“Please, I want to go.” I was trying very hard to pull away but I kept pulling into him. So I quit moving, and he quit moving but was still touching. Not going further, but not pulling out.

“I hate girls like you. You tease. Your drama. I bet you are a little whore, aren’t you?”

No! No! I was screaming in my head. I am not a whore. I don’t want to do this! No one has touched me this way! I thought we were going to the beach! You told me you needed to rest… why are we doing this? What did I do? I never wanted to be a whore, I am trying not to be dramatic. This is my fault. My fault. How did I do this to him? What did I do to make him so upset with me… I should go. Go. Need to go.

TheLostAlmostWoman · 03-25-09, 09:47 PM

“I’ll go…” his hands were moving in me, and he undid my top and was touching me.

“You are a beautiful girl. It will only be a minute. You are exquisite. I am not mad at you. Beautiful girl, just stay there.”

“I…”

“Stop!” his pants were down and he pealed off my shorts… what did I do? Why am I doing this? Why aren’t I fighting? Why didn’t I say no? I thought I did… if I meant it why am I still here. He is right. I am dramatic. I said no, but stayed. If I meant no I would have left. I wanted him to do this to me. All my fault. This is all my fault.

A towel hit the bed beside me, “Why don’t you clean yourself up?” He was washing himself with a wet cloth. “You should probably take a shower, then why don’t we watch a movie or something?”

I KNEW I was dirty! That’s why he wants me to clean myself and take a shower. He can stand me. My drama. My dirty whorish teasing! Oh, why did I do this! How… why… I am such a terrible person. My parents thought I was a good girl, but I have been a whore all along!

“Hey!” He looked at me with those creased, blue eyes. “Your drinks getting hot. If you did not want to drink it you should have told me.”

The shower’s hot water cried rivers down my skin, the steam made me sweat. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Why did I do this! Why? No one will love me now… why am I like this. Why didn’t I know. I did know… and I am just one big liar! I’ve lied to everyone.

I covered myself with my clothes, but they were not enough. My entire essence was hopelessly exposed.

“Hey, that was great, but its late and you should go now.”

“K.”

We walked out into the sweet humid night, “When did the sunset?”

He looked at me with a wink, “While we were sleeping.”

Bump, jerk, jump, up, down, in, and out down the road we go. Lies, lies, lies… unworthy whore… Bury it. Bury me. Let my soul crumble like dirt, and come back again something better, new.