What time is it?
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What time is it?

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Old 07-31-06, 03:53 PM   #1
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Default What time is it?

She stopped wearing a watch when she quit her job to stay home with the kids - finally free of the little dictator strapped to her arm, determining her level of panic or satisfaction at being either late or on schedule. It was back in college, maybe, that she became offended at the visible tan-mark left on her wrist by the thing, even when she tried to escape it's clutches after-hours and on weekends. It's a wonder, then, why the scar-marks on her wrists left by her adolescence of pathos didn't also offend, when she tried to escape into a "normal" life....

She played this game with him, this second time around, "What time is it?" No matter the hours gone by in languid conversation or passionate lovemaking, despite the time lost in restless waking hours alone and in pain, while he slept soundly, she always knew, "plus or minus 10 minutes." The only time she lost track was during their final night together, camping. The night when it became clear to her he didn't desire her the way she needed to be desired, the way he had seemed to, maybe even had pretended to at first, the night that the impossibility of it all became so clear - that was when she lost track of time.

"I'm fifteen again!" she screamed in her head, fighting the tears and the awful compulsion to just do it again, go to the store and buy the pills again, swallow them one by one again, only this time, succeed. "What time is it?" - damn, the bus was coming any minute to bring her oldest daughter back home again, no time for pathos in an adult life....

And still - she no longer knows what time it is. Is it 5am? Is it 1982? Is it Friday, and time to escape in the car to go see him again??? But even if there is no longer the little dictator on her wrist, time marches on, on every clock in the house, staring back at her on the face of the cell phone she still checks several times a day in case he sent her a text, on the wall on the calendar, printed date due on every bill in the drawer.... reminders that it is now, only now, forever just Now.

But sometimes, in quite moments just exactly like this one, it is April and she is 15, waking in the intensive care unit, trying to speak and crying over the resperator down her throat "I'm sorry! I'm sorry...." And it is April four years after that, and he is visiting her at college but things just "don't work out." And it is April, this last April, when she finally made love with him, after so many years, after so much pain, before, during, since, when she opened that part of herself to him finally....

"What time is it?" she thinks, as she writes this... "1:50 - the bus will be here in 30 minutes.... not time enough to go to the store. Not today."
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Old 10-12-06, 04:19 AM   #2
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thanks for sharing



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im the kinda girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
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Old 10-31-06, 02:53 AM   #3
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that's great! i love it!
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Old 11-18-06, 10:38 PM   #4
 
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Default Lynn...you have a gift...for writing...

that pulls the reader in...quickly...

and leaves them clamoring for more.

Noki16 is a fan...sscreaming for more! more! more!
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Old 12-12-06, 05:15 PM   #5
 
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That was written in July. I hope Lynn comes back to find her adoring fans waiting!!
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