They come and go, like tides. Funny how nature is like that - cycles, repetition, birth, growth, decline, death, rebirth..... Waves, cycles, seasons, patterns, never-ending. There is so much to be learned from that, to be gained from that in so many areas of life in this natural, physical world.
I am reminded, too, of a spiral, visualized as the DNA double-helix, building block form of everything. There are links, connections, between each "strand" in the spiral, and as all spirals do, it turns in a circle, but rises in the third dimension, ever upward.
That is how I view my life, a spiral, revisiting the same points on the compass repeatedly, but ever on a new plane of awareness, understanding, realization. Again, depression; again, elation; again, stagnation - but each time with a tiny bit of new vision, new experiencing. Sometimes, I cannot even perceive the differences. It is like being hit in the face with the same pie over and over again. It's times like that when I really want to scream "why?!"
I am many things, many things more and many things fewer than I think. I am more self-centered than I'd like to admit, though not as narcissistic as I had feared. I have more of an adventurous nature than I choose to act upon, and I am more in need of safety than I realized. I am not as aware or as evolved as I'd like to think at times, and I have a center of Knowing that I cannot begin to fathom. Wise and stupid; boring and dramatic; shy and exhibitionistic; loving and condemning; knowing and ignorant.... so many juxtapositions, how can I not cycle? How can I be anything other than always spiraling, one to the other, back and forth, just, I hope, ever upwards.
...To see the double-helix, one must focus in to the extreme - super-powered microscopic detail so long invisible to the human eye. And to really appreciate the cycles of nature, one must pull back - the crashing wave does little to reveal the rhythm of the tide; the falling leaf does not by itself show the cold, withering, death-rebirth pattern of the seasons. Time - factored by time, as well, I suppose.... One must take it all in over the space of enough time, time to see the ocean advance and recede, the tree die and re-bud, the heart mend and break and mend again....
I want to focus in, as deeply as I can, so I can see the spiraling nature of it all, and I want to pull back, wait it out, so I can appreciate the pattern and it's purpose. I will no longer refuse to see; I will no more be stuck in a moment; I cannot help but flow with this tide, this season, this knowing inside me - I am exactly who I need to be.