The only two times I feel like I'll be alright are when I'm playing field hockey and when I'm reading.
The hardest part for me has always been feeling like I don't "fit in". Sometimes I feel alone and like nothing can take me out of that space and like I have no one to connect with or feel in touch with. Books have always been an escape for me and often I feel it's easier to connect with a narrator or a character in a book than it is a real person. I just finished reading this book and I think it's connected a lot of pieces for me about what I've been thinking and feeling these past few years. Not to say that I feel "100%" better, but this is the first time I've read a book by an author who I feel "gets it" and gets what we're talking about on these forums and are going through.
The book is called Civilianized: A Young Veteran's Memoir
it's a memoir about this young soldier who came back from Iraq and is depressed and is planning on killing himself. My brother had served in Iraq too and I saw him reading it and since I had to choose a book for an essay and I thought I'd choose that one. (I think my brother was reading it though because he had returned home depressed too when he came back, and I think that's partially what got me feeling turned off from people and things in the first place. I don't blame my brother and love him, I just see a lot of connections between us and what I think he went through).
The book is kind of funny (the author takes dating classes called pick up artist classes that he thinks will take him out of his depression) and it's depressing too watching him as he tries to figure things out like we all are here. There are a few parts that really stuck with me but two that I have highlighted and that I'm going to talk about in my essay.
There was another part too but I think my post is already getting too long but what really hit me was the part about not only wanting to die but the other part about wanting to kill and I think that's the reason I've never actually attempted anything. In even my darkest moments when I wish I could die I never I guess had the feeling to kill something even myself and I just thought he really hit what I had felt all those times. If you're looking for a book by an author who "gets it" and want to laugh a little I would definitely recommend it.
Okay and sorry this post is so long I'm in the middle of writing my report and I guess I'm just working out my thoughts.