Why do I have to suffer like this
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Why do I have to suffer like this

This is a discussion on Why do I have to suffer like this within the Bipolar forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; Im 25 and was recently diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. Recent mental breakdowns led me and my boyfriend to finally ...

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Old 04-15-12, 03:04 AM   #1
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Default Why do I have to suffer like this

Im 25 and was recently diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. Recent mental breakdowns led me and my boyfriend to finally get me checked out. I cant begin to tell the range of emotions and thoughts Im feeling since I was told I had bipolar disorder. I feel somewhat relief knowing I can finally get the treatment I need to get better, but at the same time very very depressed. I feel all of a sudden like an alien and so differemt from the rest of the world. I find myself questioning how and why this happened to me. Im so sad and feel so alone. I have been going to counseling weekly for a while, but after the sessions end Im left feeling so alone, so hopeless. Im going to join a support group and start meds next week but I just wanted time to vent and pour out my feelings im having right now. The saddest part about this is that I feel so alone going through this illness. It makes me so sad. Here I am struggling to accept this and wish I had support but my family is extremely unsupportive. My dad doesnt believe in a person having a mental illness and therefore does not think I have a mental disorder and need medications to treat it. He tells me its all in my head. Now unfortunately Its hard not to care what your family thinks because they are family after all and I still live in the same house as them. My sisters are not supportive either and think im overanalyzing myself in thinking I have the symptoms when I dont, despite the fact that I was diagnosed. I didnt tell any my friends because I dont have that kind of relationship with my friends to tell them things like that. Its kinda werid but I dont like burdening people with my problems and fear rejection and keep things mainly to myself. My bf is the only one whos been supportive and encouraging but I just still feel so alone and feel as if im suffering through this alone. Im so depressed and suicidal since I found out I was diagnosed. I feel like just giving up because I dont want to have to suffer with this illness the rest of my life. Im hoping the meds really leave me feeling numb because I just dont care about anything or my life anymore. Im so depressed lately that I cant even get out of bed and all I wanna do is sleep. Why did I have to get this illness, why do I have to suffer? Its not fair. I dont think il ever come to accept it. I feel like sucha freak and a crazy person for having bipolar. I wish I just lived in denial instead of knowing whats wrong with me.
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Old 04-15-12, 06:21 AM   #2
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Hi Lonelysoul

I am sorry you feel you are not getting any support from your family,especially now that you have got a diagnosis. I know how much that hurts... It is a good thing your boyfriend supports you, so at least you are not totally alone. I know you'd still love for your family to understand or at least try to... That is very natural...

Personally, I have no experience with Bi-polar, but just wanted to offer you some reassurance or at least a listening ear. Don't be too worried about it being labelled now. I think what you are feeling is normal though to be honest. Now that it has a 'name', you feel you cannot run away from it anymore or pretend it isn't there. You probably feel it will begin to dictate some aspects of your life too... I think feeling that way is quite natural so don't feel bad...

Maybe see the diagnosis as it is... It didn't cause the illness,but has just told you what it is,so you don't keep wondering what is wrong with you or feeling different from other people around you. You can finally get help and support from people who are going through the same... You now know what the issue is and what to deal with,instead of being completely lost.
I totally understand the feeling of wishing you didn't know what it was and maybe the fear now that it is going to take over your lifebut it needn't. As you go on learning more and getting support for it,it should get easier for you. You learn more about yourself and learn how to cope with it...

Don't forget you can always talk on here and vent anytime... I know there are members here who have got first hand experience,so you are not alone. Just keep reaching out and don't do it on your own...
Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Last edited by celery; 04-15-12 at 06:23 AM.
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Old 04-15-12, 09:46 AM   #3
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You are lucky your family havent actually reacted too badly.

Mine wanted rid of when i had to spend 28days in hospital due to breakdown. They spoke As if i was actually retarded as someone told them i would be in and out of there for the rest of my life because they knew someone who had been Where i'd been, the dreaded mental ward. They spoke to people about it, everyone and wanted to wash their hands of me, based on others opinion no matter that i was actually a successful person who drunk alcohol to excess because of THEM. Deep down they were scared that they were responsible.

bipolar runs in your family, your parents will have a relative that at least has a drink problem therefore has untreated mental problems. Maybe they are afraid to face responsibility, i know mine were and still are.

Try not to get too hung up on the "label" and symptoms.

You will get things under control, just takes time and work.

Take the medication, the side effects will be horrible and hell to begin with but stick with it, they alighn the chemical imbalance in the brain.Thats what it is - Its also a biological illness. Once you are in balance its just a case of maintaining it. Eventually without medication.

all the best
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Old 04-16-12, 07:27 PM   #4
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Thank you both for your comforting words and advice. I love this community forum because I feel as if the outside world stigmatizes us for feeling the way we do. And in this community I feel less alone and somewhat "normal" for once in my life. I also don't feel like I'm to blame for how I feel. Its very comforting. Thank you both again...I pray and wish you both well in your own recovery processes. God bless.
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