i have low self esteem, no confidence, poor self image, im incredibly passive and just an all around horrible excuse for a man.
and yet, i only feel like this sometimes.
other times im ecstatic and happy. flirting and laughing with the flow of the crowd. honestly i can be the life of the party in any given situation
i often feel like im crazy or something, perhaps manic depressive, but i dont feel that my actions are extreme enough to warrent that diagnosis i really cant understand why i feel so sad at times (and i usually resort to drinking or cutting when this happens). and then incredibly happy later. and then i also get mad at myself for allowing me to succumb to such vices.
and this anger turns to absolute hate and disgust for myself. its a vicious cycle and i just want someone to hold me and whisper to me "i love you, even if you wont love yourself" (im aware that you cant love another without loving yourself first)
i honestly heavily consider killing myself if i dont find someone like that by the time i'm 30 (im 24). id like to believe there is someone out there for everyone, but as time passes and rejection after rejection i seriously start doubting that saying. i'm so fucking sad right now, and what really kills me, is that i know ill be fine tomorrow morning, just long enough for me to become depressed again. please help...