insanity and lonliness
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insanity and lonliness

This is a discussion on insanity and lonliness within the Bipolar forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; i have low self esteem, no confidence, poor self image, im incredibly passive and just an all around horrible excuse ...

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Old 10-06-12, 01:50 AM   #1
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Default insanity and lonliness

i have low self esteem, no confidence, poor self image, im incredibly passive and just an all around horrible excuse for a man.
and yet, i only feel like this sometimes.

other times im ecstatic and happy. flirting and laughing with the flow of the crowd. honestly i can be the life of the party in any given situation

i often feel like im crazy or something, perhaps manic depressive, but i dont feel that my actions are extreme enough to warrent that diagnosis i really cant understand why i feel so sad at times (and i usually resort to drinking or cutting when this happens). and then incredibly happy later. and then i also get mad at myself for allowing me to succumb to such vices.

and this anger turns to absolute hate and disgust for myself. its a vicious cycle and i just want someone to hold me and whisper to me "i love you, even if you wont love yourself" (im aware that you cant love another without loving yourself first)

i honestly heavily consider killing myself if i dont find someone like that by the time i'm 30 (im 24). id like to believe there is someone out there for everyone, but as time passes and rejection after rejection i seriously start doubting that saying. i'm so fucking sad right now, and what really kills me, is that i know ill be fine tomorrow morning, just long enough for me to become depressed again. please help...
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Old 10-06-12, 02:21 AM   #2
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Hey, welcome, Krby, I'm 24 too and have the same problem (except for the drinking and cutting)! Being bipolar is part of it.

I hate it when I suddenly go down after feeling good and everyone thinks I'm fine and faking, because a moment ago I was feeling good!

Are you on any meds?

Hey, let's keep talking, practise using our AUDACITY. Personally, I'm at the point where I'd rather be myself and be seen as nuts than be seen as a coward. :D
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Old 10-06-12, 02:32 AM   #3
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no im not currently taking any meds. and is what im describing similar to being bi-polar?
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Old 10-06-12, 03:11 AM   #4
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Well, you have the mood swings, the behavior swings. Maybe read the bipolar part of the DSM? If I can be diagnosed, so can you... there is bipolar 1, then 2 (which does not need any manic episodes for diagnosis), then type 3 (caused by meds) then other bipolar disorders like cyclothymia (mood swings/cycles).
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Old 10-07-12, 01:33 AM   #5
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danm... now im wondering if ill ever be able to hold a stable relationship if i ever get the chance to have one. i usually attract the mentally unstable (and sometimes scary-crazy) chicks, maybe my partial mental illness is the reason...

also tonight feels like a happy night right now...
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