After a few years of suspicion on my side I've finally gotten to know that I'm diagnosed with Bipolar (unspecified)... It didn't surprise me at all, I've always knew something was wrong and the fact that no SSRI worked but only seemed to make things worse was a big tip.
I have longer periods of depression (months, years) and short but intense hypomanic episodes. Both do me harm though.
The depressions make me suicidal.
The hypomanic episodes mostly makes me too impulsive and I spend all my money and I can't keep up with my own thoughts etc... That isn't that bad, what's worse is the sudden drops I get from being hypomanic to very depressed and high anxiety levels. Going from being very happy and hyper to a huge amount of anxiety is the worst thing in my opinion... I can't keep up.
I used to hurt myself quite a lot.
I haven't hurt myself regularly in almost 3 years I think. Well, haven't cut reguraly anyway. Haven't cut myself in over a year I think. I've had a few bouts of eating disorders. Not too serious, but still, it does impact my life heavily. It still does. And how could it not impact my mood? Of course I feel terrible when looking into the mirror.
Another way I hurt myself to keep the anxiety in check was the drinking. Being 15-16 and having a hard time to stop drinking... It's not fun.
I'm 18 now and so I'm legally allowed to drink alcohol, that doesn't help much since I get cravings. I'm trying to keep myself under control and not drink excessivly and eat properly.
What I'm trying to get at is that I can't handle stress(it triggers episodes quite easily) and that I wonder if you have any tips for me?
I'm in uni and it's vital that I get through it. I've worked so hard to get here, it can't all go to waste now...