im just finishing a manic week,
been drunk the whole time, blew damn near a month's pay on booze, lost my favourite bracelet walking across the city for no good reason i can remember, had an argument with my room-mate at 2am in my underwear, and i can almost wrap my fingers around my bicep because i cant recall the last meal i cooked.
so its been fun so far. ive lived through many dark years, but a i struggle and fight and fucking TOIL towards the light, i feel the mania more often. that frightens me a little, because im just less used to it. i dont know how to NOT drink myself stupid and fall asleep on the couch with the metal turned up to 11. i dont know how to not scream at my friends, or how to not slap myself for being ugly and stupid and weak and unproductive.
not really asking for help, but i wouldnt decline.