I've recently been kind of promoted at my work, so now I work in a different area with people who never really took the time, or overly wanted to get to know me. I'm trying to stay calm and reassure myself that since I have stepped away from my comfort zone (being in a area I've worked for 20 months) to a totally new area and position. I will of course feel some feelings of anxiety and nervousness. It's totally natural right.
But when you have a social and general anxiety disorder, you never quite know when it's normal teething nerves or if you're one step away from a complete break down again. I've moved from a mail room environment to being a secretary in a law firm. I'm just three days in to my new job but I already can feel the terror lodged in my throat. I'm back to constantly worrying that the lawyer I work for is angry at me, that she doesn't like me, that I'm not liked in my new department, that I'm not smart enough, that I will make a fool of myself....my fears are endless.
I had a total break down two or three years ago when I was doing another legal secretary job, so this is a case of me facing my demons. I'm scared because now I feel even though I have accomplished so much in the time since I found out I had anxiety (overcame my fear of driving, eating in public, talking in public etc) that I am not that strong at all and returning to the kind of job I was doing and failed at when I first got my panic attacks will cause all of these feelings to resurface. There is a part of me that knows that I can do it and there's another part....who is just plain terrified.
I feel so lost, I have lost my friends and am back to having no one talk to me. This has been another hit to my confidence and to my social skills that I've worked hard to gain. I'm scared also that it will start to affect my sleep and eating once again. I'm scared that I am too weak and I'm terrified that I will always have these feelings of fear and that I will never be free.