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Social anxiety.

This is a discussion on Social anxiety. within the Anxiety forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; How do you cope with it? I get so lonely but i am so socially inept its really taking its ...

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Old 09-23-09, 12:37 AM   #1
 
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How do you cope with it? I get so lonely but i am so socially inept its really taking its toll on me. I want friends, i want to be invited out but i have no idea where to start. it really doesn't help that i think i extremely boring too, when people ask about hobbies and interests i go blank and then they don't bother really talking to me anymore. It doesn't help that i hate going over other peoples houses either. I know i'm not alone in this, how do others cope?
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Old 09-23-09, 03:38 AM   #2
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With great difficulty.

Actually i dont cope, i dont have friends apart from net friends and i dont socialize. I dont leave myu home very often at all, months might pass before i have to go to a dr or something.
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Old 09-23-09, 04:43 AM   #3
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This is one of my biggest insecurities. I found it helps though if you join some sort of structured activity, like martial arts for example. So, you don't feel pressured to talk but your in a group setting. Once you get a little more use to that you can push yourself really hard to start making a bit of conversation. Anyways that has helped me a little, but it's really hard and it takes a lot of practice. I know with me it takes a lot of work trying to accept that this is a problem for me and that's okay. Good Luck
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Old 09-23-09, 10:40 PM   #4
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Sometimes I am unable to cope with it, at least here lately. Sometimes it is just so surreal and sudden that I can't really do anything but put all my effort into getting through it.

When it is something I know will bring me stress and I have 'normal' anxiety--that is to say when I experience the normal level of social anxiety for myself--I deal with it by keeping my breathing regulated. Occasionally I make more talk than usual and dominate conversations, because that way I am constantly 'moving' with my thoughts instead of worrying about speaking at all. But...I'm not always able to do that, and sometimes it takes all my strength just to order something at a stupid drive through! >_<
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Old 09-28-09, 09:42 AM   #5
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Social anxiety has taken it's toll on my life too. I am back at work again part-time (5 hours per day) for about 10 months now. But when I arrive home from work I do not go out to socialise.

I get on with most of my colleagues at work but do not attend the social events that people at work organise every now and then. For instance the hold a Christmas party night each year but I never attend it. I know that I have become a real odd ball, but it is so hard to change.

It is as if I keep people at arms length (e.g. work) but seem afraid / unwilling to let my guard down in the more intimate surroundings such as house parties where drink is involved, and people are having FUN. i just do not seem able to relax in such situations, seem incapable of "letting my hair down", of letting myself go.

This inevitability leads to a lonely existence, but what can you do if I try to ge involved in these social events, only to find that I want to get outside in the open air and go somewhere in the open air that is quiet and without people.

So, I cannot seem to "live" with people, but on the otherhand I crave the company of others.

How mixed up is that?
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Old 09-28-09, 07:53 PM   #6
 
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I'm pretty much the same as you.
Sometimes when I get invited somewhere(which is rare) I force myself to go even if I have anxiety about it. Because I know that afterward I will be glad I went and socialized.
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Old 09-28-09, 11:40 PM   #7
 
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I'm the opposite of that, if i do ever get invited out i over think everything and what might happen and i come up with reasons not to go do i don't. afterward i'm always disappointed with myself and wished i went.
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Old 10-01-09, 06:01 PM   #8
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenOfSpades View Post
I'm the opposite of that, if i do ever get invited out i over think everything and what might happen and i come up with reasons not to go do i don't. afterward i'm always disappointed with myself and wished i went.
I am like this also. I think about what I might say wrong, what people might ask me and what if I don't have an answer or and answer they want. I then get worried that they are gonna expect me to entertian them or try and keep the conversation going... And then I just make excuses why I shouldn't go..
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