please read my stoy and help me
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please read my stoy and help me

This is a discussion on please read my stoy and help me within the Anxiety forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; Hi please read this carefully and offer me lots of support and realistic advice about my situation... When I was ...

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Old 05-15-11, 03:34 PM   #1
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Hi please read this carefully and offer me lots of support and realistic advice about my situation...


When I was 9 years my family and I migrated to Australia from China....We lived there till I was 15 years old .....From all my experiences all I can tell you is that , those five years were the worst five years of my life.....

I was bullied, harrased, verbally, physcially abused , threatened and hurt by my school and class fellows from the agess of 11 till 16...................

At the age of 10 I joined a primary school in aussie......I settled in ok....I started to make some freinds, I was excited, happy , curious , determined , willing and looking forward to living in a new country .........

Then I went to middle school ...now the two years spent in middle school have got to be the worstttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt ttttttttttt years and the two yearss whenn i actually started getting some behavioural , emtional and mental problems, that I didnt acuallyt knew were problems until now at the age of 21, as they had become part of my personality.....I was harrased , hit, bullied, hurt , verbally abused, emotionally tortured, attacked by people in my school class and at home by my family.....During all this was going on , I developed such a bad negative attitude....I started developing some habits(bad ones) without actually knowing it and I regret these habbits to this day,because it has bcome literally impossible to change them since they have become a part of my persoballity....

Whenevr i used to get beaten up at school or bullied, I never evrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr told my parents, because they never respetced me anyway, they always though I was lieing, that I am a bad child everyone else is good. I started hiding everything from them,coz what was the point I would be the one end up getting hurt and abused by them anyway.........THIS WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I MADE !!!..


Then we went back to China for 3 months after 2 years in aussie for a holiday and to meet all our relativesss......hmmmm i obviously didnt wanna come back to aussie but I ha no choice but to come back since I had to be whereve my family was coz i was only 12....

At 12 years old we came bk to aussie....hmmmi was in depreesionnfor aound 4 months from us comin bk to aussie from china....and then the worst part is that I started high school the same year..HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MY LIFESS END STARTED HERE......

I was soo young at 13, naive,upset, emotionally disturbed, had lost all y self esteem, self respect,had developed bad habits, didnt have much freinds and was in great danger by following thiss path of self destruction without actually knowing it........so in grade 9 , i started making some freinds in school, started to adjust in school , had some bakstabbing bitches and all , bu overal was doing ok....in the begining only....then in the midle of the year,,,I became sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooo paranoid, deprseed, phsyco and emotionally disturbed by the instances at home and schol, that i just did not want to even live anymore......i literraly stoped talking to everyoneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee at age 13........

I became this ugly, low self respect, low self esteemed littlle 13 year old girl.....During this time i developed post traumatic stress disordeer and many other mental illness like OCD, but i did not now i had them until now.......BUT I NEVER TOLD ANYONE ABOUT MY PROBLEMS COS I COULDNT.......NOW BY THE END OF MY 13TH YEAR, I LOST ALL MY FREINS, I WAS BULLIED , TEASED, ABUSED, HURT , TALKED ABOUT AND LOST HPE IN LIFE.........

at 14 years old in grade 10, i spent most of my time alone at school and hm away fromm everyone.........no one cared about me, noooone......i was used by everyone...i was like a doormatt.....I got insulted by everone, in front of eveyone at home and school...people started spreading rumours about me at school...calling me a backstabbing bitch and not trustworthy and etc.......

i WAS DEAD BY THIS TIME......I REALLY WAS............I WAS THREATNED By girls at my school that they were ganna smash me up and all.


BUT who was gann understand me..noone.......


At 15 years old.....i starrted to change my sloopy , untidy and ugly appearnce a bit coz i was tired of everyting............

i started lookin a bit pretty coz i was tied o living like this.........but things a school very really bad..i wa getting name called, bullied hurt talked about etc my grades and marks at school started dropiing, i became an utter failure......
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Old 05-15-11, 04:05 PM   #2
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i feel so bad
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Old 05-15-11, 04:06 PM   #3
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did you tell anyone?!!?
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Old 05-15-11, 04:07 PM   #4
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becuz i know it will be hard but you REALLY need 2
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Old 05-15-11, 04:46 PM   #5
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I havent finished my story yet.....!


Then at 15 years old, I startd hangig out with these mean chinese girls, at school who thought wee actually my freinds , but in reality they were not.....They were the most cunning, backstabig, viscious , selfish, evil , hateful bitches I HAVE EVER i repeat EVERRRRRRR come across in my life...........With my low self esteem, lost self respect, lost dignity, lost values, lost trust and hope , I just hung out with them coz i had no freinds at allllllllllllllllllllllll...so i really needed someone to hang out with and plus my parents would not let me change my school..........they thought my problemms are rubbish.....so many girls insulted me, laughed at me made fun of me but i just took all the shit coz the reality was that i really di not have anyon else! i was all alone.........under great pressure, great stress, lots of misery, pain and neglect by the world as i knew it....i cried a lot at school and home....but i was getting older so i could not really share everything with my narrow minded, conservative parents , suspicious parents.....
Things actually had goten so bad, that I confined myself to four walls of my room and i spent 6 out of 7 days watching the TV ....from the ages of 13 till 15, when really i should have been hanging out with my mates, having fun .....etc etc.........

i had no life even at 15....:( those girls started linking m up with boys and spreading rumours about me , that i am a slut a flirt, a bitch , a bacstabbing whore etc etc...hey i neevr even had a bf:( and they were spreading rumours about me evrywher..i had comletely lost alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllll my self awaress , self sense , i was like broken into small pieces, all shattereed etc etc .....but i was unaware of most of the romours they were spreading......coz they were nice to me infront of me......most of the time..so i thought that athey liked me and they were my freinds..u know what i mean... i just wanted freinds......

Then my family and I migrated to England when i was 15.......i was scraed , i was happy, i was sad, i had all sorts of feeligns.........i didnt wanna go coz i finally made "FREIDNS"!! after such a long time of suffering and being alone.....so while we were in England, i used to cry everyday, throw tantrums , and ask my parents that i want to come back to aussie and all......then after so much torture my parents decided to come bk....but theni started likeing england and i found out that those girls used to backstab me and all......but by that time it was too late, so i had to come bak to aussie......:( THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ever!
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Old 05-15-11, 04:58 PM   #6
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i was depressed he wholeyearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr in aussie coz of the biget mistake i had just made that would ruin my life forver...Evryonein my area in aussie hated me, heard rumours about me i was the most hated girl at my school at my city.........for things that i never had the intention to do............i went to a new school, but by that time i had soooooooo many flaws in my personality and soo many errors in my identity , so i did not know how to behave with people, i had sooooooooo many insecurities and regrets.....my bad reputation followed me to the new school toooooo and same shit happend at that school, then I HAD ENOUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! !!I just left that school..and decided i did not desereve all this bulshit......i neeed to be happy...i stated avoiding people completely..i did nt wanna b around anyoone anymore...i got a couple of jobs , but ended up leaving them...i didnt feel like doing anyting...i just gave up on my life.....it was the endddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ddd at 16 years of age.................it was overrrrrrr! after staying home alone for 8 months doing absouktey nothing.......hearig my parents say that I am useless, no one respects me, i am worthlss etc etc , had sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o much anger inside of meeeeeeeee i was an absolute messsss...........not good at anything or aany area of life.......


i started sneaking out in the middle of the nigths hooking up with random guys, leting them kiss me and do sexual stuff to me coz i had nothing better to do and i felt loved tihs way........i think i hooked up like 3 guys......then i stopddd..coz it wasnt me....i was a good person.....

then I went to a new school the next year, but by this time i had no interest in making any freinds or mixing with people anymore...i had just had enough really...i didnt care about making realtionships and alll.........so the whole year i studied and did well in 4 out of 6 of my subjects and ignored people and life........
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Old 05-15-11, 05:29 PM   #7
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by the end of the year, i had had enough and wanted to go back to my country China and study and settle down there......but my parents wouldnt let me....then after 5 years , my family and i went back to china for a hjoliday for 4 weeks and then i did not want to come back from china anymmore coz while i ws there i was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy and loving my life and i realised that i needed a change of atmosphere and i nneded to bein a different place, i neeeded lots of love and supoort and most of all i really needed o be happy......but as u might have gussed we came back to aussie!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i was again depressed for the whole year, i went to study here, crying everyday, coming back home cryimg , crying , vomiting, feeling upset , i became soooooooo lazy , had so many flaws in my personality coz all this shit has been going on in my life from th ages of 10 till 19 and these are the most impotanat years in a persons life when they ddevelop their personality and become cofident and all...........i started seeing this guy who i had a crush on.but he only wanted to fuck me......so he fingered me and broke my hymen.......i left him i wass so devastated........and now i have had enough......i dont wanna be here anymore..
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Old 05-15-11, 05:30 PM   #8
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i wannnna be happpy
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Old 05-15-11, 05:56 PM   #9
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any advice?
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Old 05-16-11, 07:38 AM   #10
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You have been through so much swut. You really have been tortured in a sense. There was a part where i thought things where going to change around, just after you mention being with three guys and realizing it weren't you.
I'm absolutely speechless. My only advice right now is to stay with us and talk to us about 'life'. Keep hopeful that one day things will change. I think you need to reach out to a school teacher/doctor/other family member to tell them everything you've told us. I'm sure you can agree you want things to change? So you need to tell anyone who will listen, especially if your parents are not.
-Avoid boys at all cost, don't rush into letting them do what they want to do, take months to develop a relationship, and then when you're ready-

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