Nights are so hard. I suddenly become anxious and lose all sense of progress. I start thinking about suicide, quitting my job and how far I am from reaching my goals. I am just ready to end it. I go to bed horribly depressed sometimes and depending on my dreams and how I've slept will wake up realizing that I just had a bad bout of anxiety or possibly will still feel bad from the night before. Right now I have so much anxiety and I am very upset about my life. Last night I had a dream that I should start a business, I've been having this lingering idea for months now, but I am not sure that I have the stamina to see it through.
Perhaps I am anxious tomorrow because I have a meeting about preparing my performance review for the whole year, well how to develop it and I am sure we will talk about my performance to date and my boss will ask if I am happy with my job and my answer to that last question is a big fat HELL NO. I have a hard time expressing my feelings tactfully and holding back when I shouldn't express them at all. I feel that depending on what happens tomorrow, I may just say to hell with it and quit. I have no interest in working harder than I already am for something that I have no interest in doing.
I don't know what to do. My life is so miserable right now and nothing is going to be a quick fix.