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This is a discussion on New Here. within the Anxiety forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; I guess this is as good a place as any to make my intro (if there's an intro section, I ...

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Old 02-06-09, 10:39 PM   #1
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I guess this is as good a place as any to make my intro (if there's an intro section, I couldn't find it).
I'm a 34-year-old woman who suffers from chronic anxiety and periodic depression. In my earlier life, I turned to drugs and anorexia in an attempt to control my anxiety. But I've been finished with both of these unhealthy coping mechanisms for a long time.
I seemed to have gotten my life together in the past six or seven years, but lately things have been happening that are threatening to send me spiraling out of control again, and I'm scared.
Primarily, my 17-year-old son has been in a lot of legal trouble, on drugs, and has now left home and is living in what I consider to be dangerous conditions.
I have no power to force him to return. I'm fortunate that I'm still able to contact him daily via his cell phone (which I pay for). I fear that any attempt to rein him in will lead to his shutting me out of his life completely and taking off for God knows where, so that I will never have any contact with him or know whether he's okay or not.
My typical activity lately is googling the news for his location every half hour or so, to see if there have been any arrests or deaths, because I'm terribly afraid that something awful is going to happen to him.

People keep advising me to "let him go", but I can't. He's my life.
I find myself going days without eating lately, because I'm too depressed and stressed out to think of food, and because I have no idea if he's eating regularly, and can't seem to choke down food when my baby might be going without.
When I try to call him and he doesn't answer, I immediately start envisioning the worst and getting hysterical, even though this happens frequently, and he always turns out to be alright.
Sometimes when I'm in this state, I consider suicide. I hate my life right now. It's so overwhelming.

This is affecting my relationship with my husband (who is not my son's father) and my performance at work. I have no friends and no life. Everybody around me thinks I'm depressing and neurotic, and that my son is just jerking me around on purpose. I see their point, but I can't seem to view this situation objectively. I can't get the necessary perspective. I'm in a constant state of low-grade panic. I feel very unhealthy. I can't breathe half the time.
I just don't know what to do.
I thought maybe I'd find others here who have gone through something like this, and find some strategies for coping on a daily basis.

So anyway, that's me.

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Old 02-06-09, 10:46 PM   #2
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Hey there, GLP. Glad you've decided to join here!! This is a really good place; lots of nice people and everything. :) I hope you like it.
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Old 02-06-09, 10:55 PM   #3
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Hi GLP Nice to meet you.
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Old 02-18-09, 01:20 AM   #4
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Hey there! Good luck with your son
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Old 02-21-09, 12:27 AM   #5
 
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I'm new here too, just joined. I'm 31 and have generalized anxiety disorder and depression; a lot of your past sounds similar to mine!
So, I understand your suicidal thoughts, but you need to try to be strong for your son. Even if he isn't showing it, he does need you a lot. You need to let him know that you are concerned about him, and that you are there for him if he needs anything. It sounds really scary not to know where he is, or what he is doing. Would he be willing to talk to a therapist or go to counseling with you? Just want you to know that you are not alone in having these feelings. I often think about suicide, but I just think about how much it would hurt my husband and then I know it is not an option. Is there anyone in your life you can talk to about this? I have people in my life, but there are certain things, like suicide, that I can't discuss with them. That's why I think this forum may help. It makes sense to discuss things with people who know how you feel. Keep in touch and take care.
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Old 02-23-09, 02:41 PM   #6
 
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Hi
I'm also new.. I just felt like replying to you because it would break my heart if this was happening or ever did happen to my son. I'm not sure what you can do, he is still under 18. .Do you think you can bring him to a treatment center? or somewhere to take him away from his surroundings so he can possibly start over.
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Old 03-01-09, 12:11 AM   #7
 
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Hi GLP

Just joined myself ....

In regards to your son .... I myself wake up most mornings and think oh , another crappy day , even before i have opened my eyes .....
I think about not being here , but then think about my son .

we as parents have a obligation to make sure we do the best for our children , life is hard for most , but people like you and i are more acceptable to situations that wouldn't normally bother the average thinking Joe .

We can only do our best for our children .... you are doing your best , and your son seems to be abusing you caring nature , which is even more hurtful considering he knows that you suffer daily from depression and chronic anxiety.

He is not having much thought for your health is he ? , you are caring like a good mum should and its being thrown back in your face .

If that was me , and the person wasn't family ... it would be see ya later ....
But as its your son , you worry and care like a good mum should , even in these times of trouble .

You should be proud of your self for not walking away from your son , you are a lot stronger than you realise hun !
Your coping with your troubles , as well as worry about your son ... that takes a lot of energy .

Realise that you are doing your best , your sons 17 , and probably thinks the sun shines out of his back side ... as all teenagers do .... only your son can decide his fate as you do yours .
Recognise that you are a special lady .... your a caring loving mum , and would be so missed if you wasn't able to be part of his life any more .

Things will get better :) , every day older , hes a day wiser .

Wish you all the best

J :)
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Old 03-04-09, 09:25 PM   #8
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Hey GLP. I'm rele sorry about your anxiety.. i know what its like :(. it sucks. welcome to the forum anyways. Glad to have you aboard sister.
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