I'm freaking out. I can't stay at my job much longer. I can't relate to happy go lucky people, i.e. my roommates. I don't know how to not have panic attacks when men look at me. I look at myself and all I see is a shell of myself, reduced by trauma and self-hurt. When I look in the mirror, I see a sad stranger. I keep trying to hang on to a dream, but it's slipping away. I feel like I can't overcome myself. I don't belong in this world. I don't want drugs or alcohol. I love reading, nature and respect, helping strangers. I look at people throwing trash on the ground and want to scream. I can't change them, but I won't acquiesce to that level. I need everything to be okay, just for a day, so I could breathe without wanting to collapse. But that day doesn't come.