Life-Controlling Anxiety
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Life-Controlling Anxiety

This is a discussion on Life-Controlling Anxiety within the Anxiety forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; My depression is always stemmed in a sickening anticipation or fear of my future—either a distant friend, a fear that ...

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Old 06-30-15, 03:51 PM   #1
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Unhappy Life-Controlling Anxiety

My depression is always stemmed in a sickening anticipation or fear of my future—either a distant friend, a fear that I might lose my job, a fear that I'll never be able to finish my degree, or all three—and once this kicks in my anxiety levels shoot through the roof.

I can't distract myself with movies, video games, small talk, writing, drawing, studying, internet-browsing—hell even eating feels like sickening weakness I'm giving in to and certainly doesn't provide any pleasure. Anything moderately enjoyable just "rubs" in my face how fucking anxious and depressed I am. It just makes it worse.

The only thing that ever has a hope in hell at making me feel better is "fixing" the anxiety-causing problem. In most cases this has enabled me to rid myself of pride, drop-down to dignity-reducing levels, and make amends or go the extra mile to tether everything back together. But in other cases it makes me sink deeper.

Right now the last friend I had any meaningful closeness with is drifting away fast. It's been clear I've needed her friendship more than she's needed mine...and well...I've been trying to make "new" close friends for years without any luck whatsoever.
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Old 06-30-15, 04:10 PM   #2
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ib4 predictable responses: No, focusing on my degree won't take my mind off this stress. I don't have insurance to afford to "get seen". And I've been trying for just a few years shy of three decades to overcome this anxiety and there is nothing that will put a dent in it aside from fixing the core problem—despite this core problem being unfixable.

Positivity, platitudes, adages, etc just makes me feel worse.

Last edited by Disfigurehead; 06-30-15 at 04:14 PM.
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Old 07-04-15, 12:02 AM   #3
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Have you tried beta-blockers? I find they work for me sometimes. Lately though, they're not having an effect. When they do work, I feel completely exhausted, which I prefer as the anxiety can be unbearable. I'm very jumpy at the moment, because of various dramas in my life.

I hope you manage to find peace

Last edited by Legolas; 07-05-15 at 06:22 PM.
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