My depression is always stemmed in a sickening anticipation or fear of my future—either a distant friend, a fear that I might lose my job, a fear that I'll never be able to finish my degree, or all three—and once this kicks in my anxiety levels shoot through the roof.
I can't distract myself with movies, video games, small talk, writing, drawing, studying, internet-browsing—hell even eating feels like sickening weakness I'm giving in to and certainly doesn't provide any pleasure. Anything moderately enjoyable just "rubs" in my face how fucking anxious and depressed I am. It just makes it worse.
The only thing that ever has a hope in hell at making me feel better is "fixing" the anxiety-causing problem. In most cases this has enabled me to rid myself of pride, drop-down to dignity-reducing levels, and make amends or go the extra mile to tether everything back together. But in other cases it makes me sink deeper.
Right now the last friend I had any meaningful closeness with is drifting away fast. It's been clear I've needed her friendship more than she's needed mine...and well...I've been trying to make "new" close friends for years without any luck whatsoever.