My bestfriend/significant other/very good friend (unsure where exactly she considers herself, honestly) hasn't said anything in over three hours. I know normal people don't think twice about this kind of thing. A million valid reasons are all just as likely as the million shitty reasons.
But I can't wrap my head around that at all, even if I can emotionally understand it. All I can think of that she's avoiding me or that something really bad happened to her. Even when or if she does write me later, and tell me for example that she fell asleep or something, I'll forever torture myself with the possibility/probability that she's hiding something else she'd rather me not know with that excuse. I won't confront her about it, but no matter how this turns out I'll almost certainly lose faith in yet another person who is close to me.
As the title says, this isn't normal at all. This isn't healthy. This mindset has ruined so many goddamn relationships and friendships and have held me back from so many hours I could have spent accomplishing something meaningful. But no matter how much I tell myself this, it doesn't do a fucking cent of good.
Maybe I've been screwed over too many times. Maybe my worst fears have been validated way too many fucking times. Maybe I'm just a neurotic fucking mess who will forever stand in my own way until I've lost so much there's nothing of me left. Who the fuck knows?