i wish frontal lobotomies were en vogue
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i wish frontal lobotomies were en vogue

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Old 09-22-12, 05:28 PM   #1
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Default i wish frontal lobotomies were en vogue

if not for the majority of people in this world, then, at least, for me.

i can't stand the worrying anymore. all i kept thinking today was that i wish i could stab myself in the brain so all the thoughts would just cease.

everything worries me. i try to logically tell myself, "it's okay, it's not a big deal... don't worry... yadda yadda...." but it just doesn't work anymore.

i'm just so tired of going on like this.
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Old 09-27-12, 06:45 PM   #2
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Me too... anyway, no wonder you're tired... every mistake you make must be a potential huge humiliation, right down to spilling coffee on the counter at home when nobody's home but you! Do you feel like an incompetent when you burn the toast (even if it's just incompetent at toasting toast)? Do you feel like you're stupid when you use your car keys to open the door to the house? Do you feel selfish whenever you buy something for yourself that you won't or probably won't be sharing with anyone else (even if you buy something big like a big TV just for your room, or spend $500, or buy 50 ne pieces of clothes)? Do you feel like you deserve mockery and anger directed at you when you print something on the wrong side of the paper in the office (even if you made like 5000 copies)? :D If yes to anything like this, you STILL don't deserve to feel that way. Nobody should be ashamed. Even if you did something bad, shame isn't the answer.


I think I can sort of feel where you might be coming from. I am even self-conscious of the way I walk so I end up walking wierd and then in some people's opinion now having something real to be self-conscious about. Sometimes I'm not but the anxiety always comes back.


Or not.... explain more? :)
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Old 09-28-12, 08:21 AM   #3
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Hi, I'm new today. I just thought the same thought as you the other day. I wish I could get a brain transplant from someone without worries. I can't take this 24/7 anymore. I am not living a happy, healthy life that I should for my precious nine yr old girl. I am always miserable and worrying. Every single second. I worry about everything but especially dying. I am so scared of it and so scared of leaving my daughter to cope in this crazy life without me. So nice to vent. Ty. My husband thinks I'm nuts every time I tell him my worries..which is constantly...he is so happy go lucky. I wish I had his brain. Hope to hear back from someone. The pain in my chest is so heavy...
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Old 09-28-12, 09:33 AM   #4
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Welcome to TTL, Momwithsadthioughts! :D I also sometimes feel like I'm not living the life I should for my son. the solution is to realize you don't have to worry to produce a happy child. Also, since luckily your husband is happy go lucky, that should make it easier for him to support you thru this... he just doesn't know how (though being happy is the number 1 must for both him and you)! Are you seeing a therapist? (It doesn't seem like you are though; I'm guessing if you aren't it's because of your husband?) Maybe tell them... see if he can't come to therapy with you to learn how to support you.
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Old 09-28-12, 12:44 PM   #5
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it's funny, because today i've been feeling okay. most of my depression for the past 2 years or so has been linked to my hormones/menstruation cycle. i have really bad PMDD and i just can't take the ups and downs anymore. before when it was flat out chronic depression it would last for months and months and was horrible, but i'm not sure if it's worse ot keep having brief interludes of sanity and then slip back down into the depths of hell over and over again every 2 weeks. it's really killing me and i don't know how much more of this i can take. when i'm feeling okay, then i have to worry about "when am i going to start feeling bad again?" i just want to die. it's horrible living like this.
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Old 09-28-12, 12:56 PM   #6
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Aaaawwww... Eyewant2die, I wish I could hug you. Have you tried any medications for this?

If you think your having interludes of sanity is a bad thing then it isn't an interlude of sanity, but just a different kind of depression, a worrying and dreading depression in an otherwise sane mind, trying to keep that sanity.
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Old 09-28-12, 01:14 PM   #7
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yeah, i've been on everything from lexapro to wellbrutrin to celexa and back again. and don't forget the mood stabilizers, too, that don't do a thing but give you side effects.

the only medication that worked on me was the celexa but it wore off after about 6 months. then i was back at square one again.
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Old 09-28-12, 01:19 PM   #8
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Celexa and Wellbutrin and almost all my 17 psychiatric meds wore off too, and had to be either changed or increased. Others in my collection of 17, like Haldol and Seroquel, made me worse.

How about drugs for hormone problems? (That's what I meant.)
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Old 09-28-12, 03:35 PM   #9
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Ty for the kind words anastassia! You are right that I am not seeing anyone. Every time I do, I end up feeling like they are just watching the clock and I always get some exercise to work on at home that I never follow thru with. My husband would do anything to support me, so maybe you have a great idea for him to go with me. even if its just so he can learn how to support me and how to stay away and not push my buttons while im on the war path.lol. Just started Wellbutrin. Wish there was something magical like on all the depression med commercials that could lift the dark cloud off me. The anxiety is causing me so much chest pains. I knw I should take Ativan when I feel like that but I hate mixing the two meds. I'm not sure why.
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Old 09-28-12, 04:18 PM   #10
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Think about why maybe you shouldn't take Ativan with Wellbutrin. Personally, this gave me no problem... both drugs helped together. Maybe you need a higher dose of Wellbutrin? I was on Ativan every day for years tho... so I say enjoy it while it lasts. Cuz then you'll have to take 2 for the same effect, then it won't work at all eventually and you might even have trouble coming off it unless it is replaced immediately with another drug.

Some anti-d's do work miraculously. Though, you are right, not throroughly for most of them. I got an extreme benefit from Celexa, but I was still depressed and needed a lot of help. They might replace your Wellbutrin with something else, increase it, or add something else to it, like with me when I was on Wellbutrin they added the antipsychotic Abilify which also has antidepressant effects and motivational effects. Some people also have a SSRI like Celexa added to their Wellbutrin for extra push. Yoiu might even end up with Wellbutrin, Abilify AND Celexa. Or another 3-antidepressant combo, like when my bf got Lamictal (antidepressant mood stabilizer) with his Abilify and Wellbutrin. :) But he was bipolar. (I'm also bipolar, but the Abilify is also given to people who aren't bipolar or psychotic and are just depressed.)


I also forget to do exercises I'm told to do at home. That reminds me to do the breathing that my psychologist told me to do... I think I'll do some now.
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