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I can't stop crying..

This is a discussion on I can't stop crying.. within the Anxiety forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; Thanks Renali, feeling guilty is a very big issue. I feel guilty because I didn't stop it happening. At the ...

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Old 04-26-12, 07:04 AM   #11
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Thanks Renali, feeling guilty is a very big issue. I feel guilty because I didn't stop it happening. At the same time I know it would have been more or less impossible to stop it. But even so, the guilty feelings don't leave you. I can't talk to anyone, the only way I have of speaking about it is on here really. I'm finding it a lot worse at night
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Old 04-27-12, 06:12 PM   #12
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Christina - you are in the same house? Oh sweetie I am so sorry. I know it won't change the physical space, but could you re-arrange things or paint, so at least it looks completely different for you? I don't like that you're there but do you have the ability to make it different? Even the smell - put sachets in all the closets and try nice bright fresh-smelling cleaners. Do you think any of that might help a little? I'm not sure it would, but thought I'd suggest it anyway.
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Old 04-27-12, 06:33 PM   #13
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It's very hard to still be living here, almost impossible sometimes. Some things are different, a lot of furniture has changed. It's just that there are so many memories everywhere, in every room, even the garden.. He seems to haunt me. I hate him so much for making me like this.. I nearly gave up today, but then if I do he's finally won, hasn't he?
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Old 04-27-12, 06:45 PM   #14
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Rip up the garden. Start a new one - one that's yours. Good for you for not letting him win - he's caused just about enough damage, I would say.
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Old 04-27-12, 06:45 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Christina View Post
.. I nearly gave up today, but then if I do he's finally won, hasn't he?
You are SO right with that philosophy Christina, and never let that thought fade.
He has done you all the harm he ever will, is gone, and now YOU are in control of your life. You've won!
Now is YOUR time, and I hope you can learn to accept that is yours to begin living for yourself. I always say never to forget the past, but to learn from it and realise it is gone.
You don't have to try to forgive if you feel that is too much to expect of you, but you have been through a living hell and have come out the other end, and are alive. Life is hope Christina, and that hope is YOURS and yours alone to do with what you can.

Big up yourself Girl !!!
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Old 04-27-12, 07:26 PM   #16
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You've made me feel guilty now, I was in such a bad place today, I really wasn't in control at all!! It's been the hardest day, I felt that nothing was worth it anymore. It's such a struggle on my own and it all felt hopeless.. Now I'm not feeling as bad, but I know it can come back again. It's quite frightening and I wish I could understand what's happening to me...... I could never forgive him, not ever... I really do feel nothing for him but hate.. I know it's better to be able to forgive, but I can't. He was pure evil... I'm scared of life at the moment Meriva.. I wish I wasn't, but I am .. it's because I'm on my own. I've got to get some strength from somewhere inside myself somehow
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Old 04-27-12, 07:41 PM   #17
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It's okay Christina. You're having really bad moments, and then some better ones, and then bad ones again. That's totally understandable! I think Meriva was encouraging you to keep with that positive philosophy, as best you can, and give you some motivation for it. It's not expected that you will be able to hold on to it 100% of the time. You're struggling a lot right now and we understand that. You are in control as much as you can be, and you didn't give up today! So that was one victory for you! You found some strength inside today, even though it was a very difficult day. I hope you don't experience any more days like this one, but maybe you are stronger than you think you are.
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Old 04-27-12, 11:28 PM   #18
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Thankyou, it was definitely a battle, and I am still here.... I hope Meriva understood what I meant, I know I sounded very negative,when his message was so positive... The future is just so scary at the moment.. I don't feel very brave. But I do know what he was saying to me. I go back and re-read these messages, it helps a lot when I'm struggling and feeling really down. They keep me going....
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Old 04-28-12, 12:22 AM   #19
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S'okay Christina, Meriva understood !!!!

These lows you feel distract and distort many things in our lives, including words spoken and written with good intent.
You just keep on re-reading and squeezing what little joy or encouragement you can from what any of us write to you, and if you can do that, they were not wasted.

It helps me to know I can make a difference to someone, anyone.
We all seek our purpose, wherever we find it.
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Old 04-28-12, 06:23 PM   #20
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Thanks Meriva, I'd had such a terrible day, and I truly hope I don't have any more like it... I was worried after I'd posted my message. I sounded so negative, but it was how I was feeling that day... You are right, I have come out the other end of it alive, just! I must have some strength in me, I just have to find it again... I really do appreciate all the things you said. I'm trying to let go of the past, but memories make it so difficult to do.. I just have to keep trying
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