i have never experienced anything like this before...throughout high school i never was on medication or had any emotional problems...i was always a happy, cool guy...now, all of a sudden, i have what i will call internal panic attacks (because i feel the same things as someone experiencing a panic attack but i never show it) which probably has a better, clinical name...

most of my day is filled with anxiety and despair over nothing...and i can never understand why the whole world can just live the way it does when each person's situation is so tragic...that we have such short, quick lives that can't be held onto and are gone for eternity once they are over...the worst part is that i feel like i am the only one who has ever had these thoughts because they are so complex and scary, and since no one else seems to be scared of anything, i always figure i'm going through this alone.

however, one of my friends who is 21 says she went through the same thing two years ago and somehow got over it gradually. naturally, hearing this really helped...but of course, the knowledge that i will get over it someday can't get me over it instantly...

i just don't understand how i COULD get over it...this strange little existence on a little planet used to mean everything to me, and every thought i've been afraid of lately has always been floating around in my head for years but never bothered me. now, it all blew up in my face and i can't stand it...i just feel like my physical body is unnecessary and it's difficult to comprehend whether it even exists....and then the idea just seems unfair that when i die i have to stop existing...why?? what kind of rule is that? you can't stay in the world if you want to...

i'm not trying to convince anyone to be on my side or anything...i just need to know if people go through this and get over it?

Dude, I'm experiencing the same thing right now, and I'm on the verge of 19.

Life just seems so... futile. What's the bloody point of striving to lead a successful life? Millionaires and paupers all end up six feet under, so what's the point?

We're careening towards doom and nobody seems to care.

so, like, do you have any friends who think the same way? or are you in a transition phase of your life where you really aren't surrounded by too many people? i've been living in many different countries throughout my life, and so my best friends are scattered all over the world.

maybe if we can find similar factors in both our lives, we'll know what to do to remove this illusion that nothing matters. i do know it's an illusion, because i respect many people and artists and friends who have gone through the exact thing before and somehow got over it. since it's the most severe type of depression, of course it has to feel like there's NO way out, or else it wouldn't be depression. and you can't use this line of logic, that life is futile, on anyone else unless they are already feeling that way. similarly, you can't cure anyone who is depressed by telling them life really does mean something unless they already feel that themselves.

so, no matter what people say, i will always feel like i'm completely alone in this problem and that i'm the only one who has discovered the terrifying undeniable truth...but if you look at this huge world, everyone seems to be fine! if i mix that fact with how my friends and family and mentors are all saying i'm going to get over it, maybe i should just know that i somehow will, and just ride this out...

also, i guess that the majority of everyone believes in god or is in some way religious so nothingness is the last thing on their mind....but my question to people who truly believe in god and heaven is why they would be sad when someone in their family dies, even if they say he or she "is going to a better place"? if they're going to heaven, a place where everyone who "believes" is going, what is there to be sad about? why work at all? why eat good food or anything? you're going to be in heaven FOREVER! you're going to do ALL the things you ever wanted to do that seemed good for a million years, and you will STILL have an eternity in heaven!!

so then, i start thinking that a finite life is preferable, but then there's the problem that you are not guaranteed a full life. i could die tomorrow, at nineteen. so, if life had a system of "rules" that guaranteed you'd live to a certain age, or better yet, the age you'd die at changed depending on your life choices (so there's actually a POINT to those choices)....then it would make more sense...but as it is now, a hectic life that MIGHT make sense if i lived it out completely but isn't guaranteed...plus the idea that there might not be a god...or any higher being who cares that we're going crazy right now...it's ridiculous...

but i don't get what you're saying. is your problem that basically you don't see the point of living to die? you're lacking that fundamental primal instinct to survive? feeling the pointlessness of life? or lack of religion?

for me personally, i don't have a god, and i don't feel like life has much point except to be here. because there isn't. and everyone else in the world isn't fine, other people think exactly what you're thinking all the time, it's why people (strictly my opinion, no offense intended to anyone) created religion in the first place. people aren't "fine", people just keep living. people keep waking up and whether or not they're in love, have a family, are financially stable, 100% healthy, 100% happy, they go to work and pay the bills and continue with the daily grind. people just keep living.

it's all about getting over the whole "what's gonna happen next" or even thinking about the future or your eternity. just keep getting your ass out of bed, doing the shit that needs to be done even if it takes forfuckingever to get done, and living. you're never going to figure it all out. and that's how these people you know had this pass. they just kept living, and eventually stopped caring. relying on the primal instincts for survival and the old "keep on keepin on."

i have no idea if i even touched down on what you were talking about. if i didn't feel free to correct me, cos you sure have an interesting viewpoint. i'd probably need some mj for that to make more sense...

um...ya...so basically what you just said is a very scary and depressing idea. but you seem to be my age so it doesn't really help.

that did come off as pretty pessimistic didn't it? i'm sorry if i upset you, i didn't mean to do that. what's so scary and depressing about it? i'm not challenging you or trying to push what i think, i'm just curious about your perceptions. keep in mind this is all strictly my opinion.

but to make you feel better, yes, it's a stage. everyone tells me when you're 18, 19, 20 you're still finding yourself and your place in the real world as an adult. you're still surrounded by the kiddy bullshit, you still don't know WHO you are just yet, and you're all confused. but it passes. my older friends tell me that by the time they got to be 21 they knew who they were, what kind of person they were, who they liked hanging out with, and all that jazz.

i wasn't saying that living to live when you get older is depressing and meaningless. it's just instead of worrying so much about the future, the now takes over. kids, loved ones, bills, work, social engagements, i dunno. you just start worrying about things going on currently.

your thoughts? i wasn't trying to freak you out... -sigh- i'm a very cynical person and i apologize if that brought you down at all.

ohh yeah!! its very common! i mean there are a lot of changes around that age and it creates a lot of anxiety, and in some cases depression.. some ppl react different than other but overall, i have seen that trend around that age, but it usually goes away.. depends on the person and whats happening on their life`s ... if your not particularly depressed over anything i would think its seasonal and it will wear off once you have a more clear idea of what you want from life... u wil eventually be more defined as a person.

hope it helps..

feel better

(((hugs)))

I used to feel that way as young as fourteen - and yes, it lasted until I was about 21. Even today I freak myself out a bit, thinking about physics and matter and space in my head and start staring at my desk/wardrobe/floor/whatever in amazement that it's all held together by mere energy. As through at any moment, everything could destabalize, and poof, it'd all be gone. But then we'd be gone ...

Anyway, thoughout my entire teenage years and into my early twenties, I can quite clearly remember curling up into a ball on the floor, sobbing about how it was all so pointless. Thinking about the world as a whole and our existence in it. And I, too, thought I was the only one, because all my friends were going out to parties and so concerned with their lives - I felt even more worthless and pointless, because I couldn't just "let go" like they could. I'm still depressed, but that doesn't play such a big part of it anymore.

And oh, religion never really came into play. I wish I could be religious. I think my life would be so much easier if I could be. But I'm not. During my teenage years I came to find some sort of spirituality, a connection between science and some sort of faith. But that's for a different forum. My point was, I never contemplated the end of the world or humanity in the context of religion - but I do think a religious faith would probably have helped me cope better.

I think the difference, for me at least, is that in the absolute worst of my depression, the time where I felt abandoned by everyone, and that those who were still around were so only if I met to their specific conditions, and I truly felt alone and that no one would ever love me unconditionally again - that survival instinct kicked in. I started holding on with death grips (excuse the pun) to anything, anything in my day that made it good. Whether it was that I talked to someone and felt they really cared about what I had to say, or that I'd worked up the energy to do my nails, or that I'd gotten praise or even if all it was was that my dog or cat came to sit with me for a few hours and cared that I was upset (I shit you not, my pets really do. They would come to me when I was about to cry, let me sob all over them and stay with me until I felt ok again.) And when these little things became all I had to hold on to, I refused to let them go - and now, those silly little things matter to me far more than the great big universe and humanity's place within it worries I used to have. I just think - I'm here today. Today, my ex shows how much he cares by bringing over a care kit of sorts, with soups and lemsips and dvds. He cared enough to call at work to see how I am. Today, the girls at work invited me out and actually enjoyed my company. Today, my friend who moved thirty miles to live with her boyfriend thought of me and called me. (obviously these didn't all happen TODAY, but you get the point). Now, I don't know if it's age, perspective, what, but now these things are the things most important to me, and I don't want to lose them. I treasure them. I refuse to belittle their significance by comparing them to the universe. They are just as big to me.

First off, I am so glad I found this thread, it has such relevance to my life right now. I'm 19 years old and completely at a loss as to how to understand the world around me. I constantly feel like I'm living a dream-like state.

I feel I don't know who I am in this world and it is very scary. Questioning why we are here is a natural part of life and at this age I think it is appropriate to do so in order to define ourselves in the future. We need to find out what our goal is and work towards achieving it. I have a friend who says she went through exactly the same thing when she was my age and says she would hate to be 19 again, so I'm guessing it is just a phase that will pass.

Religion is an easy way to answer lifes problems I believe, as it gives a reason for being, but it just doens't sit well with me, hence my athiestic view of the world.

You're not alone, it is very common, and it will pass (well at least I hope it will for your sake and mine). I think it is just a sudden realisation that we are not the centre of the universe and we are so insignificant that it makes us feel unappreciated.

Peace,

Rory.