There is 1 thing in my life that has damaged it. It causes me to sink back into depression, caused me to argue with my family, frustrates me and reduces me from having any quality of life..... SOCIAL ANXIETY!!
Failed school and college.... Due to SA, was unable to focus, was often nervous there... Had bad results. No chance of university as a result, thus no chance of a decent job.
Failed relationships... Either they didn't understand SA or I didnt tell them and they were fed up with my excuses as to why I couldnt attend their friends and family's weddings, partys or go for days out with them and their friends.
No friends... Found it hard to keep or make friends previously, now I have none, no chance of meeting them either.
My daily pattern seems made up of nothing, get up, check computer, sit there for hours, smoke cigarettes, watch tv, eat, smoke more, go on comp more.
Out in public I am nervous as hell. Even when standing in a queue to buy something from a shop my nerves play me up. my mind goes blank and I cant make eye contact with anyone.... It makes me feel low so I stay in the house.
I have been relying on alcohol. Have seen so many dr's, none of them seem to understand it.
Alcohol has been damaging my life even more. I don't drink much and I am not addicted, but when I do drink, it gets rid of my SA for a while, I feel normal for a bit of time.... Until I start making an idiot of myself, then the next day i'm full of regret. It's slowly got to that point where the regret and depressed feeling the next day has outweighed the few hours I get without SA.
It always comes round to the same thing... Stop drinking, full stop... Which I can quite easily do. But then when I do go out in public and not drink, i'm back to nervous ways which get's me down.... Or I can just stay in the house and have no life at all.
Drinking = Not good for my health, brings in the lowest feelings I have ever experienced the next day.
Going alcohol free = Will just stay at home 24/7, have no life, lose motivation and sink into bad depression again. When I do go out without alcohol, my SA takes control, I am nervous, I know people look at me like im dumb, on drugs or just weird, which also slowly puts me back into depression/feeling low.
When I try and talk to people I remotely know about it, I am told to stop attention seeking.... but this is way beyond attention seeking