I'll try and keep this as short as possible but it is extremely difficult to summarise - I will try my best.
I've spent a huge amount of time reading a lot around cognitive behaviour therapy and I've found it helps but only in the short term...
Simply, I am worrying beyond belief and it is ALWAYS imagined issues. I know that I am doing it and I am so glad that I'm finally realising I'm doing it - but I can't stop it.
All my life (I'm early 20s) I've been a serious over thinker. Everything everyone does around me has a meaning and a reason and everything is an analysis for me (what ifs). It's never been an issue until last year when I split with my girlfriend of 6 years. now it seems the overthinking is leading to anxiety.
I'm picturing scenarios before they happen and often I get myself to the point where I feel like it's genuinely happened. I'm finding myself living in the past with previous bad memories being sparked by very very small reminders such as a smell that I could smell during the time of the bad memory.
For example, this morning I woke and literally felt sick with dread that something was going to happen between me and my girlfriend today. I've tried to dismiss the thought because there is no fact that would even suggest this! We are absolutely fine. But it grows on me and then the anxiety begins. As quick as it ruins me, it disappears. just one text from her today and it went like a sigh of relief, but relief from what? There is nothing to worry about!!
Back in January I thought I was depressed and saw a counsellor until I made the mistake of deciding I was fine again. Upon reading it does seem more anxiety - my heart races, I feel a strong surge of adrenaline, I shake and pursue answers to my questions like a life or death situation. But it's all for nothing and its causing over reactions that are beginning to push those most important to me away (the ones I worry that I will push away by being how I am). My own worrying is my worst enemy - it's a vicious cycle.
It's getting to the point where I'm sleeping much longer than usual just to make the days shorter so I spend less time worrying. It's almost as if I'm waiting for something to act upon. Waiting is extremely tiring and it's making me feel like I'm in a different world to a few months ago.
Another example was last week. I had a dream my girlfriend camped out and ended up in a tent with another guy. The worst thing is, she actually is next week and it only fuels my anxiety!! I KNOW this won't happen, but it doesn't help. The dreams are always overly lucid too, so I can feel annoyed with her or anyone else the next day like it's genuinely happened.
I should be happy. No money issues, good career, just graduated, just completed 2 skydives, excellent girlfriend, lots of free time, lots of time in the gym. I don't understand and honestly, not many others do either.
Any thoughts/opinions/support would be much appreciated - it really does feel I have someone standing on my chest constantly. It shouldn't be like this when people have real issues to deal with.