Feel subhuman...and tired
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Feel subhuman...and tired

This is a discussion on Feel subhuman...and tired within the Anxiety forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; I've known for years now that I don't look "right"...or rather: healthy. My skin has a yellow tint to it ...

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Old 08-05-17, 07:36 PM   #1
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Default Feel subhuman...and tired

I've known for years now that I don't look "right"...or rather: healthy. My skin has a yellow tint to it (prior to 4 yrs ago my skin was lily white), it is dry and blotchy (used to be clear and fairly oily), my hair is dry and sparse, and I appear older due to premature facial skin sagging. I already feel self-conscious and ill at ease out in public, but people's reactions to me are what truly drive home the panic and despair that I feel practically every second of every day. Today I was in a Fred Meyer. Over the loud speaker it was announced that security was to scan aisle 8. Besides an elderly couple eyeing the supplements, I was the only other person in that section. I have suspected that I was being monitored in other stores in the past. Employees will suddenly start "facing" in whatever part of the store I am in. Security will be asked the walk the floor. That sort of thing. Tried to shrug it off as just my own personal issues with paranoia and being seen as different. But, I don't know....this just kind of seems too convenient. I believe I am actually right this time, which gets me going on all the other times I tried to tell myself that store employees weren't focused on me. If this is what the rest of my life is going to look like....being seen as a freak and untrustworthy to strangers....really not broken up over the idea of ending things finally. Not sure what I expect the response to be to this...don't know what help others can offer. Just needed to air this. I can tell no one else in my life this. They will not understand.
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Old 08-07-17, 12:36 PM   #2
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Do you have any underlying health problems that may be causing the skin and hair problems? I see your profile says you are 36. I am 37 and have for a few years now dry, burning skin on my face and at times neck and body. My doctor said it is due to high stress levels and that my liver is not functioning properly (your note of yellow skin could be liver related), which makes sense given the particulars of these years.

(unrelated, but I didn't even know what a Fred Meyer was until I just searched online)

You might give off a different vibe when out and about, which may be misconstrued as suspicious. I doubt it would be for looks, as staff should always be trained well enough to not do things as you noted based on that. I know when my anxiety has been bad I look differently around me to see if people are looking at me, so my guess would be something like this?

If you are able to, get a check up on the health, there could be many reasons but most are treatable.
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Old 08-16-17, 07:23 PM   #3
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This is a shame that you have to feel distrusted when you're out somewhere. If you're right, it may not be your appearance that makes this happen, it might have something to do with your anxiousness -- which is shown in your body language.

And who could blame you, if you feel watched from the moment you walk into a store? I know that when I walk into a bank, I'm very aware that the staffperson greeting everybody is there to examine who walks in. It makes me act differently, a little edgy, although I am an honest person.

Store employees and security people need to be able to observe you and label you as something ordinary. If you are looking for something specific, it helps label you as a shopper.

It might help your own feelings if you go directly to the counter and ask where something is that you're looking for. Thieves and such do not put their faces right in front of the employees like that, so it would tend to make it clear that's your purpose: shopping. And being polite by thanking them would help too. Don't stay and chat, there's no reason to.

It's a sad thing that our lives in public are much safer if we conform to the average. Make sure your clothes aren't what you were painting a room in, or cleaning the garage. Stores can be mean to homeless-appearing or scruffy people.

I used to drive between Canada and the US, and got to understand that if the border people can understand what you're doing -- what activities you were up to when you visited -- then they can understand you're okay.

Likewise, if store managers or employees know what to expect of you, they relax.
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anxiety, paranoia, self worth, social anxiety, stress, suicide, ugly

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