Fear
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Mental and Physical Health > Anxiety


Fear

This is a discussion on Fear within the Anxiety forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; FEAR.....That is what my life is summed up of, in fact it obliterates everything in its path. In a world ...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-12-12, 01:27 AM   #1
Member
 
3daystodecide's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: A world with less colour
Posts: 838
Default Fear

FEAR.....That is what my life is summed up of, in fact it obliterates everything in its path. In a world where everybody is really alone, fear walks beside me night and day. It whispers all of the worse case scenerios and shouts at me all my imperfections. The only positive thing about it now is that after recieving counselling and reading a thousand or so books about the topic, a part of me can see it for what it is. I know it's tricks and lies and try as often as I can to see beyond it...but it's a hard fight and more often than not it is me lying on the floor after a battle. Knocked on my ass once again and doubting every positive thing present in my life.

I recently had trouble at work and issued a complaint against the co-worker that was making my life a living hell. She has sinced been fired and even though I feel guilty with the outcome, I'm hoping now that maybe my anxiety won't flare so much but every morning I wake up to a heart beating way too fast and the taste of fear in my mouth.

Things appear to be going well in my life and the company has shown me great support on my return. Other staff members are being very welcoming with only the exception of one or two people that were friends with the girl that left. I try to say hi to them when I see them but they just ignore me and don't respond. I'm not overly troubled by this and was expecting my reception back to be a lot worse.

I also went out on Friday after work to finally exhale and relax from the stress and maybe celebrate a little. I ended up getting enough guts to talk to this guy that I met over 5 months ago. It was unbelievable that he remembered me and even more amazing that he was willing to talk nicely to me since our last time together ended extremely bad. It took me a month to get over him and nightly crying sessions. This of course makes me question the wisdom in talking to him again but I must admit all dressed up he looked so damn nice...I literally couldn't help myself.

Of course in my anxiety riddled life this has popped up more scenerio's in my life to be petrified over. And I'm constantly questioning our suitablity, he's a doctor and I can't go out with someone that smart. Half the time he's talking I don't know what the hell he's talking about. I'm just an administration assistant and at this moment my position is below even that. I'm 37 years old and live at home and wouldn't want to let him know that and be open to ridicule. He's confident and I'm not and he likes to constantly tease and more often than not there is a brother/sister wise cracking element to the conversations.

He doesn't like insecure women and "doubt" is my middle name. We do make each other laugh and he can be quite funny, although I am amazed how he can act so silly and still be a doctor. It's all quite early but he appears to not be overly affectionate and doesn't cuddle which is the kind of stuff I need to feel wanted. This defintely goes under the the heading of "too much information" but I'm not sure how well we mesh.

We tried to sleep with other and even that was somewhat of a failure, he couldn't um lets say perform and since this has never happened before to me (saying that I have only slept with 3 guys in my life), it just made me feel like there was something wrong with me. The next morning we talked in bed and laughed and it was really nice. But what if the sex can't work with us?

He has my phone number but I'm dreading the though of him ringing because I'm super shy and my anxiety hits me hard when talking on the phone. My heart beats fast, my voice wobbles and I quickly die of shame as I realise there is no way to hide my absolute terror of such a mudane act as communicating on the phone. And yet if he doesn't ring I know its going to hurt too.

Why is life so hard?????
3daystodecide is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-12-12, 03:23 AM   #2
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 208
Default

Fear = False Evidence Appearing Real

Think about it.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
-
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
-
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
Charlie Chaplin
humanaevitae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-12, 12:14 AM   #3
Experienced Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,241
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3daystodecide View Post
Why is life so hard?????
Life is naturally harder when focusing on negative outcomes rather than positive. The fear is in foreseeing negative outcomes, some are realistic (the reason we have fear) but many are not needed, and are overemphasized irrationally (anxiety). Do you know why you predict things will happen badly instead of positively, regardless of actual outcome? The reason why you fear making that call versus you doing it?
engima is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-12, 01:48 AM   #4
Member
 
3daystodecide's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: A world with less colour
Posts: 838
Default

Hi engima,

Why do I focus on the negatvies? Um I guess it comes from a very low self esteem and a unhealthy dose of self hatred. I believe that I am unworthy of everything, undeserving of love and happiness that I more often than not envision negative horrific outcomes. I fear the moment that people will see me for what I really am....nothing. When people treat me nicely and things are going my way part of me enjoys it and the other part is filled with anxiety waiting with bated breath for the moment when they see that I am not good enough and start treating me the way I deserve.

I am getting a little bit better at thinking positive and am trying to accept that it is okay for people to treat me nicely. Sounds really stupid but its the truth for me. I am constantly tense inside waiting for people to treating me harshly, to be attacked and vulnerable. When people do treat me bitchy or look at me like I'm shit, my whole body becomes weak and I can taste the fear in my mouth. I hate feeling this way and get ashamed that it's true for me.

Now work is asking me to handle the reception desk for an hour a day and I am filled with terror. My daily struggle is to hide the fact that I have chronic social anxiety and when I have to be the "face of the company" I know I am going to stuff up, my voice will wobble and I will bumble my way with numerous humiliating mistakes. At 37 I should be more confident and this feels me with shame because I'm just not. Sometimes I feel like a freak. My anxiety is something I try to hide atleast at work at all costs but most of my family knows about it now so I do have support from them. But for the most part they do not understand my daily struggle.

Last edited by 3daystodecide; 02-25-12 at 01:51 AM.
3daystodecide is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-12, 12:24 AM   #5
Experienced Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,241
Default

I find the feelings of unworthiness and seeking self degradation usually come from a deeper feeling of guilt. That those feelings could come because you feel as though you deserve them and seeking them as a form of punishment can make yourself feel better in a twisted sort of way. Not sure how much you've looked into the why you feel the way you feel sort of deal, but I think if you keep working on positive thinking to reverse the non-deserving attitude you'll end up less torn and stressed.

For your work, you're thinking about all the things that can go wrong, but do you know why? You might have already realized it's related to the non-deserving/low self esteem thinking, but what do you think your mind is trying to accomplish when it predicts all those bad things will happen?
engima is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:38 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2