A day in the life of....well...ME
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A day in the life of....well...ME

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Old 05-19-12, 07:28 PM   #1
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Default A day in the life of....well...ME

A day in the life.
When I said that in my head, I was thinking about a day in my life. It occurred to me that is it a title for a Beatles song. I believe it’s the one that says I woke up got out of bed, and something about a comb to my head and something else about how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall. It’s funny I am 40 now, and the Beatles live at the Hollywood bowl was the first album I ever bough, to be followed by Van Halen 1982 (The last album with David Lee Roth), and the 45 of Uptown Girl by Billy Joel lol. More funny than that, is the fact I dislike the Beatles greatly. Not as much as I do Rush and Greenday…but pretty bad.
Obviously I have got off track and more than likely made some enemies (in the field of music listening anyway lol). I was thinking about my day today (its 8:11 am) and I was thinking of your day as well Dear Reader. How was it? Was it sunny where you are?
Mine starts out the same. I awake (obviously). I take a Xanax. Sometimes a whole and sometimes a half. This is followed by me hoping the anxiety does not set it. After 11 years on it, I doubt it even works and if nothing else just gives me withdraw symptoms between doses. Today was like any other and I did such. I had to meet a gentleman who was buying one of my guitars I decided to sell on craigslist. We met at 10:00 am. He liked it and bought it. Upon returning home, anxiety set in. This is always followed with a tightness in the chest, dry throat and a feeling like it is hard to swallow. I then pray to a God that may or may not be real, who may or may not be listening. Depending on the situation I am in, as far as emotions go, I may also make some promises that I know I cannot keep. I then suck on a tums (for reasons unknown, they have quit making Rolaids). You may be wondering (you know you are) what the hell Tums can be used for in this instance. A long time ago, I was at the Dr. I had sinus drainage and it would cause me to hack up and cough and gag. Sinus spray did nothing at all. He suggested to suck on a ralaids….not chew it. I did and it would dry my throat out and stop the need to gag. I have done it for years now. After all this my blood pressure spiked as well as my heart rate. I rationalized that it was due to allergy medication (I do much self analysis and rationalizing these days). We took our daughter to the park, it was nice. We then went to another park…it was nice. The mall was next. My wife needed some things and had a gift card, and I wanted to look in express and the gap for a few t shirts. I had a strange pain in my neck….like I pulled something. As it worsened, it felt like someone was pushing me down and I could not hold my head up. Anxiety sets in. Mall full of people, lights everywhere, fast movement and things start to seem as if it is all going out of focus. My mind drifted back to the Marines and I decided I was going to push thru this at all costs. I started to make my way to a water fountain. It seemed to very far away, and the more I walked toward it, the more I felt I was going to drop over. There was no medical reason for me to drop over. I am in awesome shape. More rational to ease my mind. I made it there. Took a whole Xanax and realized, I am not in control of this game anymore. The medication makes me think I am in control, but I am not. Tonight? Who knows what it may bring….I do not. There you have it…a day in the life of……almost forgot…not allowed to use our real names…a day in the life of me.
In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen
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Old 05-20-12, 11:54 AM   #2
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do u think you may need a med change? have you tried anything new lately?
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