"Comfort Zone"
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"Comfort Zone"

This is a discussion on "Comfort Zone" within the Anxiety forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; I'm always hearing advice like "push yourself out of your comfort zone" or "put yourself out there." It's extremely frustrating ...

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Old 03-03-17, 10:09 AM   #1
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I'm always hearing advice like "push yourself out of your comfort zone" or "put yourself out there." It's extremely frustrating because doing that has never helped me. All it does is add another layer of stress to my life. I feel like social anxiety is one of the least understood disorders out there. Far too many professionals just don't get it. It doesn't matter how much I go out of my comfort zone or expose myself to scary situations - I still get anxiety. It never gets any easier. I'm really starting to feel like it's more hassle than it's worth. What's the point? It doesn't get me any closer to what I want in life. There are never any tangible results for my efforts. Doing it never brings me any joy or satisfaction. Why put myself through hell for nothing? It's such a tiring process.

I was supposed to have lunch with an acquaintance earlier this week. We'd been texting back and forth for a while and both of us kept saying that we should meet up sometime. I feel like I inadvertently forced them to make plans with me by saying that. I didn't expect them to actually follow through. I don't feel like they actually wanted to meet me - it seems like they just did it out of politeness. So I cancelled at the last minute. It seemed pointless to put myself through such an awkward and stressful experience for someone who probably didn't want to be there. Besides, I don't even like having lunch with other people. It's just awkward and boring, especially when neither of us has much to say. I'd much rather do something fun and engaging. I don't get why eating is seen as a social activity.

My stupid therapist got on my case about it yesterday, saying that I blew an opportunity. She just doesn't get it. I don't gain anything by going out of my "comfort zone" and putting myself in situations I hate. It's just a waste of time and energy that would be better spent doing something I actually enjoy.
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Old 03-03-17, 01:50 PM   #2
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What would you actually rather do?
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Old 03-03-17, 11:50 PM   #3
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"I don't get why eating is seen as a social activity."
Seriously. Eating around other people is so awkward. Especially if it's salad.

Have you ever pushed yourself out of your comfort zone and found that you did enjoy it? Well, I guess technically you did blow an opportunity. But like you said missing an opportunity creates another opportunity/time for something else. And sometimes it just feels better to say no, and do what you want. Is this the same therapist that disappointed you a couple of weeks ago?

I feel like I hear the "put yourself out there" line a lot in college. It's probably one of the most frustrating things to hear. There's so much importance placed on it, especially in such a digital world, I'm starting to hate that it just doesn't come naturally to me. I don't like pushing myself on others and I just suck at making connections.

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Old 03-04-17, 09:51 AM   #4
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I found myself saying the same thing to people, but recently retracted most of my statements in my head. I'm not as confident, outgoing, or as adventurous as I thought.
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Old 03-05-17, 06:33 PM   #5
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Sometimes you just got to do it. Because life right now sucks
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Old 03-09-17, 05:43 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SensualGirl View Post
What would you actually rather do?
idk, anything really. In this particular case, I decided to just chill at home and catch up on some "me time." Music, gaming, exercise, art, TV/movies, masturbation... whatever. LOL.

I don't mind going out sometimes, but I prefer activities that actually involve doing something fun. I guess I have a short attention span. I never saw the appeal of just talking for the sake of talking. Having a meal with someone is just awkward and boring. Maybe it would be worthwhile with the right people, but I haven't found anyone like that yet.

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"I don't get why eating is seen as a social activity."
Seriously. Eating around other people is so awkward. Especially if it's salad.

Have you ever pushed yourself out of your comfort zone and found that you did enjoy it? Well, I guess technically you did blow an opportunity. But like you said missing an opportunity creates another opportunity/time for something else. And sometimes it just feels better to say no, and do what you want. Is this the same therapist that disappointed you a couple of weeks ago?
I like how you specified salads, lol.

No, I can't think of any recent examples where I enjoyed going out of my comfort zone, except for when I've been drunk. But I regret it afterwards so that doesn't really count.

This wasn't the same therapist. She's equally useless though.

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I feel like I hear the "put yourself out there" line a lot in college. It's probably one of the most frustrating things to hear. There's so much importance placed on it, especially in such a digital world, I'm starting to hate that it just doesn't come naturally to me. I don't like pushing myself on others and I just suck at making connections.
yeah, same here. College has by far been the worst time of my life.
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Old 03-09-17, 06:17 PM   #7
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For me, college sucked. I was so depressed from all the crap people put me through, I never ended up doing study abroad. But I'm lucky I even graduated, albeit with an English degree.
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Old 03-10-17, 03:57 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Black Sheep View Post
I don't mind going out sometimes, but I prefer activities that actually involve doing something fun. I guess I have a short attention span. I never saw the appeal of just talking for the sake of talking. Having a meal with someone is just awkward and boring. Maybe it would be worthwhile with the right people, but I haven't found anyone like that yet.
Do you think it would require you to go out of your comfort zone to find the right people?

And seriously though, eating salad is so awkward.

What kinds of things are in your comfort zone? And what kinds of things are out of it? You could make a venn diagram or something, one side being the comfort zone, the other the uncomfortable zone, and the middle just stuff that depends. I think I need to do this. Maybe having it on paper will make the uncomfortable things seem less daunting. I think I need to do this

Ah, sorry to hear that. Therapists never helped me. Maybe I just had too high of expectations. I just feel like a burden telling someone my problems in person, even if it's their job.
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Old 03-11-17, 01:57 AM   #9
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For me, college sucked. I was so depressed from all the crap people put me through, I never ended up doing study abroad. But I'm lucky I even graduated, albeit with an English degree.
that's too bad. Sounds like you really enjoy travelling. At least you're done with college though. It's gonna be a few years before I'm out of this hellhole. I'm counting the days like it's prison.

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Do you think it would require you to go out of your comfort zone to find the right people?
I don't know. I'm not really sure what I could do. Joining clubs/groups has never been my thing... I've tried it in the past and it was always an awful experience. I've gone out to places alone and that didn't accomplish anything either. One thing I haven't tried yet is meetup groups, but I imagine it'll be the same. It seems like most people around my age aren't looking to expand their social circles.
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Old 03-11-17, 12:04 PM   #10
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Yes I *would* really enjoy traveling if I ever got a chance/had the money to do it.

I'm sorry you're still stuck in college for another few years. What are you studying? I hope you can use it!

Meetup groups in my experience were fun. But most of them involve just sitting and eating. There's usually an interesting topic though. They have happy hours too. You don't have to actually make friends with these people. That's just inviting drama into your life. I would just socialize for the fun of it.
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