So, for 6 weeks now, the only thing that has kept me sane, and grounded, is being able to go to the church, and visit my wife's Grave.
No matter what the weather, rain or shine, it's the only stability I have in my life, and the only thing worth looking forward to each day.
Last night, 4.30am, despite taking double my normal dose of sleeping pills, i'm sat bolt upright in bed, because I know something is wrong.
I open the curtains, and.......snow. Loads of it.
Normally this wouldn't bother me at all, but the church is at the top of very steep hill, via a winding country lane of about 2 miles. There's no way i'll be able to get up there today, the car would never make it, and walking's out of the question.
Already my anxiety level is through the roof, i'm having panic attacks, and generally worrying myself stupid on how I can get up that hill today.
I have got to go. There is no way I can't. I'm soooooooo tired though, I don't think I can walk up.