Avoidant personality disorder is a mental health condition in which a person has a lifelong pattern of feeling very shy, inadequate, and sensitive to rejection.
People with avoidant personality disorder can't stop thinking about their own shortcomings. They form relationships with other people only if they believe they will not be rejected. Loss and rejection are so painful that these people will choose to be lonely rather than risk trying to connect with others.
A person with avoidant personality disorder may:
Be easily hurt when people criticize or disapprove of them
Hold back too much in intimate relationships
Be reluctant to become involved with people
Avoid activities or jobs that involve contact with others
Be shy in social situations out of fear of doing something wrong
Make potential difficulties seem worse than they are
Hold the view they are not good socially, not as good as other people, or unappealing
Well ,this is me in a nut shell if I've ever seen a nutshell. Seeing the symptoms just angers me. I hate being so simple that I can be diagnosed by a normal mental disorder. 1% of the population thinks like me, which means 1/100 people are just like me. It just makes me feel THAT much more alone. I took a personality disorder test and scored high on Avoidant and Social Phobia, which are practically the same thing, though there are some differences. 5% of the population is estimated to have social phobia, which is 1/20 people. I didn't feel alone when I thought that was my only problem, now that I see this it just makes it so much worse.
I just want to be accepted. I just want to be surrounded by people just like me because I hold myself to such a high standard when I'm alone, but as soon as I get put into a public situation these people who I know aren't as good looking/charming/unique as myself take a completely new form. Beautiful people scare the SHIT out of me, and if this is a legit mental disorder then it's completely justifiable. I know it's not healthy to self diagnose, and i will be seeking therapy very soon to find out what my real problems are. I just want to know what is truly wrong with me so I can take steps towards feeling like I once did.
She rejected me. She hurt me so bad. I destroyed my soul for her. I destroyed parts of my body for her. I can't go through this again, i am not strong like I used to be. I'm so full of fear, I'm so full of anger, I'm so full of depression and I'm so full of self pity that I make myself fucking sick. The ED is gone, yeah, that's beautiful; now take my fucking anxiety. I'm done with this shit. I want it gone. I used to be the kid who could walk into a room of people and have all eyes on him simply because I always thought `Im a badass im a beast im fucking sexy fuck these people if they dont like me i dont care.`` now when I walk into a room with any attractive girls? HAHAHA. It's more like ``she thinks im fat. i look horrible in this hat. why can't i look thinner in zip up hoodies? maybe if I zip the hoodie up I'll look thinner, no i better leave it open, no i should zip it. I wish my pants fit a little better. I wish there wasn't a scar on my face. Why won't she look at me?`` then when she finally does I turn my glance away like a little bitch.
I just want to be the guy who has the confidence to walk up to any girl I think is cute and say hi. Nothing has to even COME FROM IT. I'm so afraid of being rejected by anyone that i think is good enough and smart enough to be my friend that I don't even initiate it. I make up irrational excuses as to why I shouldn't approach them. This is ridiculous. I'll never have friends if this keeps up. I can get a car, i can lose these last few pounds, i can get piercings, i can dye my hair, i can get new clothes, i can get whatever the hell they all have AND IT STILL WILL. NOT. MAKE. A. FUCKING. DIFFERENCE!