Avoidant Personality Disorder
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Avoidant Personality Disorder

This is a discussion on Avoidant Personality Disorder within the Anxiety forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; Avoidant personality disorder is a mental health condition in which a person has a lifelong pattern of feeling very shy, ...

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Old 04-02-11, 01:11 AM   #1
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Default Avoidant Personality Disorder

Avoidant personality disorder is a mental health condition in which a person has a lifelong pattern of feeling very shy, inadequate, and sensitive to rejection.

People with avoidant personality disorder can't stop thinking about their own shortcomings. They form relationships with other people only if they believe they will not be rejected. Loss and rejection are so painful that these people will choose to be lonely rather than risk trying to connect with others.

A person with avoidant personality disorder may:

Be easily hurt when people criticize or disapprove of them

Hold back too much in intimate relationships

Be reluctant to become involved with people

Avoid activities or jobs that involve contact with others

Be shy in social situations out of fear of doing something wrong

Make potential difficulties seem worse than they are

Hold the view they are not good socially, not as good as other people, or unappealing


Well ,this is me in a nut shell if I've ever seen a nutshell. Seeing the symptoms just angers me. I hate being so simple that I can be diagnosed by a normal mental disorder. 1% of the population thinks like me, which means 1/100 people are just like me. It just makes me feel THAT much more alone. I took a personality disorder test and scored high on Avoidant and Social Phobia, which are practically the same thing, though there are some differences. 5% of the population is estimated to have social phobia, which is 1/20 people. I didn't feel alone when I thought that was my only problem, now that I see this it just makes it so much worse.

I just want to be accepted. I just want to be surrounded by people just like me because I hold myself to such a high standard when I'm alone, but as soon as I get put into a public situation these people who I know aren't as good looking/charming/unique as myself take a completely new form. Beautiful people scare the SHIT out of me, and if this is a legit mental disorder then it's completely justifiable. I know it's not healthy to self diagnose, and i will be seeking therapy very soon to find out what my real problems are. I just want to know what is truly wrong with me so I can take steps towards feeling like I once did.

She rejected me. She hurt me so bad. I destroyed my soul for her. I destroyed parts of my body for her. I can't go through this again, i am not strong like I used to be. I'm so full of fear, I'm so full of anger, I'm so full of depression and I'm so full of self pity that I make myself fucking sick. The ED is gone, yeah, that's beautiful; now take my fucking anxiety. I'm done with this shit. I want it gone. I used to be the kid who could walk into a room of people and have all eyes on him simply because I always thought `Im a badass im a beast im fucking sexy fuck these people if they dont like me i dont care.`` now when I walk into a room with any attractive girls? HAHAHA. It's more like ``she thinks im fat. i look horrible in this hat. why can't i look thinner in zip up hoodies? maybe if I zip the hoodie up I'll look thinner, no i better leave it open, no i should zip it. I wish my pants fit a little better. I wish there wasn't a scar on my face. Why won't she look at me?`` then when she finally does I turn my glance away like a little bitch.

I just want to be the guy who has the confidence to walk up to any girl I think is cute and say hi. Nothing has to even COME FROM IT. I'm so afraid of being rejected by anyone that i think is good enough and smart enough to be my friend that I don't even initiate it. I make up irrational excuses as to why I shouldn't approach them. This is ridiculous. I'll never have friends if this keeps up. I can get a car, i can lose these last few pounds, i can get piercings, i can dye my hair, i can get new clothes, i can get whatever the hell they all have AND IT STILL WILL. NOT. MAKE. A. FUCKING. DIFFERENCE!
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Old 04-02-11, 07:43 AM   #2
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I have an avoidant personality disorder too. I know how hard it is to live with, and how difficult it is to overcome. Feeling very lonely, but extremely uncomfortable around people is a horrible way to go through life. :( I feel your pain.
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Old 04-02-11, 01:13 PM   #3
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Awh. =\ I find it gets easier the more you go out and do things around people, though. Now that I'm working when I go to the store or something on my free time I don't wig out as badly.
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Old 04-03-11, 09:01 PM   #4
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"Hold the view they are not good socially, not as good as other people, or unappealing"

But what if you are not good socially? Some people are just off-putting or rather awkward with strangers(like me). Honestly, I don't know why all these definitions exist because it sounds like social anxiety disorder to me. It even kinda sounds like agoraphobia...

"Feeling very lonely, but extremely uncomfortable around people is a horrible way to go through life. "

Yup, yes it is.... being torn between horrible antipathy and the need to be around people. Maddening.
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Old 04-03-11, 09:33 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PillowMagnets View Post
"Hold the view they are not good socially, not as good as other people, or unappealing"

But what if you are not good socially? Some people are just off-putting or rather awkward with strangers(like me). Honestly, I don't know why all these definitions exist because it sounds like social anxiety disorder to me. It even kinda sounds like agoraphobia...

"Feeling very lonely, but extremely uncomfortable around people is a horrible way to go through life. "

Yup, yes it is.... being torn between horrible antipathy and the need to be around people. Maddening.
It's obviously social anxiety, just a different form of it. I feel you on the antipathy. Wanting someone so badly but you can't bring yourself to initiate anything in fear of being rejected <= at least that's my problem.
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Old 04-03-11, 09:54 PM   #6
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For me it's partially rejection but also... what do you say? I feel like I'm bothering someone, or annoying them... or if they are in a group. Ugggh that is the worst, trying to enter a big group of chatting friends. But this APD... yeah, I kind of built my life around avoiding people. That's just so terrible, but my depression went down by a great deal when I did that. Luckily, I do have a few good friends, but not being with someone and not wanting to go out and look is just agonizing.
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Old 04-04-11, 01:15 AM   #7
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God, the group thing is near impossible for me unless I know more than one person in the group, and even then that's pushing it. Too many eyes on me at once. I find that it really is getting easier the more I'm around people. The part about this disorder that hit me real close to home was the part about forming relationships with people you feel won't reject you. Well, when I think about it, every friend I have is pretty much a loser or as fucked up as I am. I don't know what I would do if I actually hit up someone who had parties every weekend with a ton of people.
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Old 04-05-11, 05:06 AM   #8
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I believe i have it. internet says i should go check with a health professional
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Old 04-23-11, 03:05 PM   #9
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Avoidant personality, yeah, been there. I suspect there's a genetic component to it, but knowing that will only help you a little bit. You're going to have to get some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. You have to change the chatter that goes through your head.

I still fight it, but I've gotten much, much better. Drove to the club that has dancing, found a partner, did some dirty dancing, asked women out on dates, etc. I fight a 'gut feeling' that comes from the cognitive dissonance of doing something I am unfamiliar with. But the more you do the unfamiliar, the less you get that gut feeling.

I think I'm getting to the point where if I feel that gut feeling, I want to do the thing that's giving me that gut feeling in the first place. It's a challenge that I am meeting and mastering. But it can be wearying to do that a lot. I need my down-time to unwind and relax. I still consider myself shy by nature.

Last edited by lifeisgood; 04-23-11 at 03:06 PM. Reason: accidental post before I finished.
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Old 04-27-11, 10:01 AM   #10
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I can't tell the difference between this and social anxiety. I have a social anxiety type personality, and I'm finding it really difficult to cope with depression on top of that. I'm so alone and all the strategies for getting better involve "reaching out and connecting" and talking about your problems. Is it possible for them to think of a different strategy to suit people like us?
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