I want love so bad that I feel like i'm constantly grasping for it. I'm seeing this really awesome guy now after a year long relationship in which I was taken advantage of emotionally. I was with a guy who did not respect or appreciate me and only used me to meet his needs. Now that i'm seeing this new guy I'm so frightened that he's going to leave me stranded. I feel like he's too good for me, like i'm not pretty enough or sane enough for him. I think of him constantly. This is so exciting and new and different but I just don't wanna be left. I don't know if I can manage the heartache again. I've had people push me aside before and it's the worst kind of pain. There's something about it that feels so invalidating. We were drunk and fucking the other night because we had gone out with friends and back to his place. At one point I started to cry while we were having sex. I just got emotional and didn't know how to explain what I was feeling. It surprised both of us. He was worried about me. I think maybe it was this deep longing for love and acceptance that rose up inside me. I had never done that before. Maybe he will be done with me soon or maybe he'll keep me around. At this point I don't know how to ask or talk to him. I want to open up but I don't know how. We're just not there yet, so I have to be patient, which is the hardest thing in the world for me. I guess I have to realize that this could be worth it, and thus the patience is worth it, and the potential heartache is worth it, and all the outpourring of love is worth it. If there's a chance for love, it's worth it. Yea, i'll probably still be afraid and nervous, but I can move past this. Maybe I'll learn something.