I'm a high schooler planning to take the old version of the SAT this coming fall. I'm really anxious, to the point of tears daily, since I'm self-studying and all my friends are either in SAT prep camps or have studied for years. I just started and I can practically feel my time running out. I'm not making any progress. I don't know what I'm doing.
I have 7 weeks left before school starts. I also have to study for a math course. I haven't started yet.
I'm supposed to be running every day in order to train for the cross country season this fall (7 weeks from now), but haven't been able to find the motivation to run for the past two and a half weeks.
On a daily basis, I'm not able to accomplish anything that I know I have to do. I have no time management, am supposed to be studying right now, no direction, and I feel like I'm just completely useless.
Last year I had mildly-bad depression, suicidal thoughts, lots and lots of anxiety, and similar feelings of worthlessness. I thought that I got better but I am still unable to do anything, or pick myself up, and am starting to feel the same hopelessness as last year. I feel so pathetic, and I'm sick of myself. I hate that I'm always relying on others, even now.
I hate being so pessimistic, and people have told me not to give up before I even try, but I don't know how to change. Although part of the reason I'm so depressed might be because of my mother, who is severely depressed and often angry and screaming and crying. I have no idea how to help her, and she seems to be getting worse, and nowadays she takes it out on us kids as well. Sometimes I feel so mad at her, but I'm the same as her (which terrifies me), and I feel sick and selfish when I think that I might blame her for anything, when she did/ does so much for me.
I tried giving myself set schedules, but I haven't been able to follow them.
I don't know if I explained my feelings well, or if this even makes sense, but any advice would be appreciated, just on how to pick myself up or even on how to focus/ study. I'm just really anxious and have no one to vent to, and I'm so frustrated with myself. I feel like I can't do anything. Everything I try to do, I fail.