Anxiety is a knife to my throat
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Mental and Physical Health > Anxiety


Anxiety is a knife to my throat

This is a discussion on Anxiety is a knife to my throat within the Anxiety forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; why does it has so much control over me?...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-17-09, 12:56 AM   #1
Experienced Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,241
Default Anxiety is a knife to my throat

why does it has so much control over me?
engima is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-09, 05:46 AM   #2
TTL Bronze Member
 
Sweet Denial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,597
My Mood:
Default

((((hugs))))
Sweet Denial is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-09, 06:58 PM   #3
Zoe
TTL Silver Member
 
Zoe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Mars...
Posts: 9,107
My Mood:
Default

((((((Engima))))))

I feel the same way has so much control over our lives...
__________________
"Having a dream is what keeps you alive. Overcoming the challenges make life worth living."

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Zoe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-09, 08:45 PM   #4
GLP
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 486
My Mood:
Default

I'm the same way.
It's more like a knife in my throat, tho.
Every day, I have panic attacks.
Here's an example. Today, on my lunch break, I called my son.
A little background: he's 17 and living on his own, at some undisclosed location, with "roommates", obviously older friends of his who are allowing him to crash on their couch. He isn't in school and doesn't work.
So, today I called him and he said, "Can't talk now, I'm at the post office." and hung up.
I immediately got nervous and called him back.
"What are you doing at the post office, sweetie?"
"Buying stamps, what the fuck do you think. I'll talk to you later."

Somehow, this just didn't sit well with me. How can he even have any money to buy stamps, and what could he possibly need them for.
I called back.
"What are the stamps for, sweetie?"
"I'm starting my own mail-order meth business, now quit bothering me."
He hung up again.
I know he wasn't serious. He was just being sarcastic because he was annoyed with me, but that sent my mind off on a tangent. What if he and these friends actually are sending or recieving something illegal through the mail? What if he's writing to some friend in a faraway place, and he's about to leave town and go traveling around, go somewhere so far away that I'll never see him again? Why does he need stamps?
I called him back. He answered with "I'm busy, leave me alone." and hung up.
I called back again, but he'd turned his phone off.

The whole time this was going on (on my lunch hour), I was getting more and more upset. I could feel this hot metallic taste rising up in the back of my throat, and my chest felt tight. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears.
I managed to derail this before it turned into a full-blown panic attack, went back to work, but brooded about it all day. I'm still upset about it now.
This is the sort of interaction my son and I have nearly every day.
It would be different if he were a responsible kid who avoided trouble. I wouldn't even mind him living on his own, if that were the case. But I know him too well, he actively goes looking for trouble. he's already been in trouble in the past. These friends of his are all a bunch of lowlifes.

I'm scared all the time. Every day, the effort it takes to drag myself around work, smile, act cheerful, when inside my heart is breaking and my throat feels lined with broken glass.
It's the worst thing there is.
The I tell myself, "No. At least he's alive, and apparently safe for the moment. it could be much worse. Be grateful for this, for the fact that he's okay, that you still get to talk to him."
Then I feel guilty. i ought to be happy. My son is okay, at least for now.
But I'm so afraid all the time.

My husband is losing patience with the whole situation. I'm so stressed out, depressed, and anxiety-ridden all the time. i know I'm not fun to be around.
I wish I could look into the future, twenty years down the line, and know for sure that my son will be alive and safe and have a good life. Then I could relax and be happy.
But there are no such promises in life, and the future is unknowable.
GLP is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-09, 01:16 AM   #5
Experienced Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,241
Default

Quote:
What if he and these friends actually are sending or recieving something illegal through the mail? What if he's writing to some friend in a faraway place, and he's about to leave town and go traveling around, go somewhere so far away that I'll never see him again?
I think its good to care about your son but putting in all these whatifs in gives you anxiety when something might not be even true. You might want to consider primarily if your son is happy first(feelings) and how to accomplish that before thinking about the things he might be doing(his actions) wrong and then trying to correct them.

I've had a similar relationship to my mom, whenever I was called by her I received similar types of questions and it just seemed like she only wanted to figure 'out' the bad things that I was doing so I gave a very negative response. That how she thought. Except I would get punished if I talked to my mom like that if I talked similarly as your son. It felt as though she(and my dad) didn't believe in me, it was one of the worst feelings in the world. I never did anything wrong.. Not saying that my experience is identical just reminded me of mine and I feel good talking about these things
engima is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:47 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2