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This is a discussion on anxiety gone crazy within the Anxiety forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; I got drunk around some friends and some person who had joined us that night decided to take advantage - ...

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Old 11-05-13, 06:22 AM   #11
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I got drunk around some friends and some person who had joined us that night decided to take advantage - I was left paralysed in a shell of a body, watching what was going on but unable to shout for help or fight him off!

I didn't even want to report it, I just wanted to go home and run away from it all but I was made to report it when they called the police behind my back and because a report had been made by my friends the police said they had to follow through with the investigation and that I should assist. I went to the station with the two friends and the whole time they didn't believe me, the took forensic samples but hurt me even further in the process. They didn't seem to care how they treated me but wouldn't let me go until I had made the report and let them collect evidence. I was forced into doing things I didn't even want to do!!! I know as a person in a responsible role for young people through two roles and that it would be my duty to guide them to reporting it but through personal experience I would never want anyone to be put through what I went through!
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Old 11-05-13, 08:39 AM   #12
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That's awful that you were forced to report it when you didn't want to. Your friends shouldn't have done that to you! That's outrageous.

As for the actual assault, the drunkenness is what creates a gray area that makes sexual assault difficult to prove. With freedom (to have sex) comes responsibility. Sorry if I sound harsh, but I'm trying to help you put this behind you.

When I was 21, I went to a bowling alley/bar with two girlfriends. I had three shots of Tequila which made me drunk. I met a guy outside when I went to smoke. We talked and walked. When we got the parking lot, we fooled around. I felt something entering my privates and I said no I'm still a virgin. He said don't worry that's just my finger. My friend came out screaming what the fuck is this! He said he was just fingering me. She said no SG that wasn't his finger. You were raped.

So I did what an obedient member of society does and reported it. I told the truth, that I was drunk, wearing a short skirt, and that we had fooled around first. Two weeks later, the police cursed me out, saying they didn't believe me. They said I was just lying and saying I was raped to save face in front of my girlfriends so they wouldn't think I was a slut for having sex in public. I would never feel the need to cry rape to save face! I was devastated. The cop kept saying that in the real world, that's what it looks like. Ever since then, I've been at odds with the real world.

Looking back on it with help from a sexual assault counselor and some of my research, I realize I was part of the date rape craze. I wasn't raped or sexually assaulted. I got drunk, so I should have assumed responsibility and not sent out mixed signals. Sexual freedom is a gift that can't be abused.
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Old 11-05-13, 08:52 AM   #13
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I might have been drunk but I know I didn't consent because I couldn't say anything! I remember at the start of it all that I tried pulling my hand away from what he was making me do put he forced my hand back, and after that I was paralyzed. I didn't have much strength when trying to pull away and throughout I didn't have a voice. I don't believe I did send out mixed signals because I have never been interested in guys in that way before. I take responsibility for getting drunk and blame myself for getting myself in that state but I didn't consent and the police had to right to treat me the way they did. Are you saying because I was drunk that I wasn't r*ped?
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Old 11-05-13, 10:53 AM   #14
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I'm saying these are the types of things that are bound to happen in a society where women are allowed to make their own sexual choices. I think you should forgive the police for what they did to you. With that said, I think you should cut off those friends who reported it against your will. Do you think you were raped?
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Old 11-05-13, 11:15 AM   #15
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It shouldn't be 'bound to happen' - women should be allowed to make their own sexual choices without having to face being r*ped because of it. R*pe takes away that sexual choice!

I will never forgive the police and why should I? What gives them the right to treat anyone in the way they treated me?

Those friends who reported it also supported me throughout the whole thing and I owe my life to them because if they weren't there for me I wouldn't be alive today - they were doing what they thought was best and have since apologised and regret it because of the treatment I received! I have forgiven them for the decision they made.

I personally hate the word r*pe but he definitely carried out a sexual assault against my will, whether he took advantage of me being drunk or it was going to happen anyway I don't know but I didn't consent to it and therefore I do believe it was r*pe.
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Old 11-05-13, 02:51 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by copingalone View Post
It shouldn't be 'bound to happen' - women should be allowed to make their own sexual choices without having to face being r*ped because of it.
R*pe is natural. It occurred for thousands of years. It occurs everyday in the animal kingdom. There are still some men who can't control themselves. This is the reality. You have to be careful.

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I will never forgive the police and why should I? What gives them the right to treat anyone in the way they treated me?
I learned from my experience that the police can be very harsh and that's just the way it is. R*pes are very hard to prove.

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Those friends who reported it also supported me throughout the whole thing and I owe my life to them because if they weren't there for me I wouldn't be alive today - they were doing what they thought was best and have since apologised and regret it because of the treatment I received! I have forgiven them for the decision they made.
Okay.


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I personally hate the word r*pe but he definitely carried out a sexual assault against my will, whether he took advantage of me being drunk or it was going to happen anyway I don't know but I didn't consent to it and therefore I do believe it was r*pe.
Okay, it was r*pe. Realize that it fell in a gray area though, because while you didn't explicitly consent, you also never said no. What if you had wanted to do it and regretted it later? How would anyone know the difference?
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Old 11-05-13, 03:21 PM   #17
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Just because r*pe has happened for many years and still occurs frequently doesn't make it right!

I have also learnt that police can be very harsh but maybe they need to look at the way they deal with situations and look into the effect their actions have on people and that it ruins their lives for years after the police close the case.

I already know it fell into a grey area and tried explaining this is why I didn't want to report it, because it would be my word against his. The reason I don't usually tell people is because I worry they would think that, but at least I know what happened!
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Old 11-05-13, 03:30 PM   #18
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How are you coping with it? Are you still afraid to go outside or that something bad will happen to you? I didn't mean to be harsh, I was just hoping I could help you bury the hatchet.
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Old 11-05-13, 03:50 PM   #19
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Since it has all been triggered I haven't been coping well...

I am able to go outside but constantly on edge, especially if I am on my own! Evenings are worst and I still lie in panic that someone is trying to find me!
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Old 11-05-13, 04:14 PM   #20
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Sorry to hear that. I wish there was something I could do. Maybe you should stay with your supportive friends temporarily.
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