Hey. I'm a lurker 'round here but I'm just starting to lose my temper which I have successfully controlled for all the 18 years of my life.
The issue is officially school, but my father is the what causes my frustration.
You see, I'm fairly successful in school except in one subject: Swedish (Swedish is the second official language in Finland).
We recieved a pack of tests today and I got very good scores in all other subject except the mentioned language (in which I failed). I come home and tell my dad that I got a four (four is the same as "F" in USA) from Swedish. He apparently gets highly pissed off inside and I asked if he wants to rant about it before I tell about the other scores I got (as I said before, I got good scores from the other tests). He asked me to list them all and I did. But it went as I expected.
Ever since I can remember, when it comes to things like school my successes are irrelevant for my dad. All he cares about is if I failed somewhere. He always gave a sort of "if it's not perfect, then it's not enough" feeling. So without mentioning my good scores in any way he starts his usual 15 minute rant about how I have failed and how I will never succeed in my life. Rant, rant, rant. He asked me stupid questions like "do you care at all!?" which is pretty stupid because he's the one here who spent his young years "in bad company" as we'd say.
While he is true in that there's something wrong in the matter with my Swedish - I don't find it fair that he makes me look like a retard and declares that due to this I will
completely fail and be destroyed. Without wasting any time he continues his rant by ranting about generic school-related topics. Of which he doesn't know a bit of. Now he's threatening on getting a private teacher to teach me. That would be the humiliation of the century. I'd never recover from such a show of distrust.
Just thought it'd be better if I released some frustration here... I won't fight back since I am and will always be bound by an unwritten rule that I owe my life to my parents, I must obey them blindly and I must never question their opinions. And hell, even if I did, he'd just rant more.
But honestly, I think my dad's attitude is a large factor in the fact that I don't really value my life any more. Haven't for years. I don't want to die, but nor I want to live. And it's not just the pointless ranting, there are many other things like that I never get a thanks for doing the right thing. He also never listens to my opinions and if he does, he ignores them.
But he may be very right. Maybe I am doomed? And so are all those dozens of students who failed in the same matters, too? Maybe I am doomed. Well, that sucks then. But I seriously don't want to take any shit from him in subjects where I most certainly are not as hopeless and failed as he believes. The rants are overall fairly short but it hurts. A lot.