Please create your own thread if you want to post about your feelings and needs
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Please create your own thread if you want to post about your feelings and needs

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Old 02-15-16, 02:24 PM   #1
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Default Please create your own thread if you want to post about your feelings and needs

Dear Members,

I just want to remind you all to please create your own thread if you want to post about how you are feeling, instead of posting about your issues in other members threads. Please see the guidelines:
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Q) Please post about your own issues in your own thread. While you are of course welcome and encouraged to let members know that you can relate to them, please do not launch into full blown descriptions/discussions of your own issues in another member's support thread unless it is specifically tailored for the purpose of providing support to that member. Similarly, please do not take another member's thread off topic by starting or participating in an off topic discussion in a member's thread that the member did not start themselves.
While you can tell another member that you can relate to them, please don't post about your own feelings and issues in their thread.

There are a couple of reasons for this:

1) The original poster will receive less support.
The thread may go off-topic, and start focusing on other members or topics. This can be hurtful to the original poster, and lead to them finding less support.

2) The member posting off-topic will not receive support.
Other members will not know that you want support if you post in another members thread. They may also not reply to the off-topic post, as the focus of the thread is on the original poster and their issues. Replies to your post will be off-topic as well.

3) Maintaining a negative focus will not make the original poster feel better.
Posting about your own feelings in another members thread is not supportive. It can lead to the member feeling worse, because they may feel even more hopeless. For instance, if the original poster writes that (s)he is feeling bad, it is not supportive or helpful to say that you feel bad as well, give examples of why you feel bad, and say that things will never change. You can say that you can relate to them, that you are sorry that they are hurting, or that you feel like that too sometimes - but please do not continue to focus on negative aspects in their thread. Instead, let the original poster write about their feelings and needs, listen to them and try to focus on supporting them.

4) The original poster may think that they have nothing to complain about, and they may stop posting.
Posting about yourself in another members thread is minimizing the original posters issues. If you post about yourself, such as posting why you feel bad as well, the original poster may feel like you are comparing yourself to them. It is common for depressed people to think that their feelings do not matter, that they are complaining, or that they do not have a "good enough" reason to be depressed. Comparing your own issues to other members issues is not supportive or helpful, and it can make them feel worse.

5) It becomes difficult for members to support each other if threads asking for support are shared between members.
Conversations about many topics and members can become confusing, and it is harder for members to figure out what the topic is, and how to reply. Depression affects a persons concentration, and having confusing threads makes it less likely that people will contribute.

This is also why we do not allow general discussion threads in the Challenges section.

I hope you will keep this in mind for the future, so that all members can find as much support here as possible. If you have accidentally posted about yourself in another members thread, or you see off-topic posts by other members, please report the post to the moderating team. Then we can take the appropriate action to ensure that all members find support here. All reports will be treated confidentially. You can report a post by clicking on the report button next to the post. You are also welcome to contact us by posting in Contact Moderators.

Thank you all for supporting each other and keeping TTL a friendly and comforting place to be.

Best Wishes,
Ella
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