Today I got a letter in the mail about therapy. I go to a certain place for my depression which I won't mention, but I do see a psychiatrist. He supposedly put in a referral for me to see a therapist and the last time I saw him he claimed I made the referral which I didn't and told him I didn't. Then he claimed it must have been a miscommunication. Yeah, a miscommunication on his part, not mine. I'm not interested in therapy. I find it pretty pointless. They really don't care about my problems so why should I open up and tell them my personal thoughts on my problems. Then the kicker to the story for me is even when I do start to open up to these so-called professionals they leave and get a promotion to another place. Then I'm stuck thinking, "well why did they let me waste so much of my time opening up to them if they are only going to leave after a few sessions anyway?" This happened at least three different times. And I'm certainly not one who finds it easy to open up about my feelings in the first place and even when I do they leave after a handful of sessions? Then they don't even tell me they are leaving, they just leave. That's how much these people care. At least they could say something like, "well I got a promotion and I won't be your therapist anymore but if you are interested in therapy in the future you can always call and set up an appointment with another therapist." But no, they can't even do that. Then they have the nerve to chase me down over this therapy bullshit. They have called me multiple times and I don't even bother to return their calls and now today they send me a letter talking about how they can't reach me by phone, blah, blah. Funny when I was interested in case management services, which is something that really can benefit me and that I was interested in, they couldn't be bothered to return my calls. I had to chase them down for that yet they bother me about some useless therapy crap. Fuck them. Case management is what I really need because they supposedly help with housing which is what I need right now because I am not happy at home but I don't want to get into that right now. Besides, I wrote plenty of things about that in other posts. They don't want to help me with what I need but they sure pestered me about therapy. No thanks, I'll pass.

The way I always looked at therapy is I don't think they really care. They are paid good to do it. They care about the money. Plus I figured if my own family doesn't give a shit about my problems then how can I expect a stranger to care about my problems? Every time I tried to open up about my problems to my mother she gets mad and doesn't talk to me for months at a time and she's the one who told me that I should try to talk to someone about my problems and then when I do she gets mad and we don't talk for months on end. Plus she never ever tries to patch things up, it's always me who makes the first move and starts talking again. She acts as if she don't care if we ever talk again. Of course, it's hurtful. Then she used to make stupid, uncaring comments like, "oh you just want to have a pity party for yourself." Or she said, "boo hoo let me get out the violin." Thanks for all your freaking compassion Mom. So called. But anyway I never felt too comfortable talking with therapists about my problems. Even when I do make progress opening up they all leave and get a promotion and don't even tell me they are leaving the facility. Yeah, they really care so much. Then I had to start all over with a new therapist and go back to square one. Fuck that but no thank you. Then they have the nerve to make it out like I'm at fault. Ok I admit I don't talk much or know what to say and how to say it and I have no people skills but at least I tried and tried and tried again. They keep leaving and assigning me to a new therapist and I get tired of going back to square one. Digging deep and recalling painful memories that I don't want to remember. Recently I have been considering reaching out to someone be it a therapist or whoever because I feel the need to talk to someone. I don't think I will go through with it though.

well..to tell you in few words==you do not need a therapist,flame...the fact your Mom treats you maybe like shit upsets you to the core==...i say...skip everyone and only believe in your own proper values..
live according to your own values in life..it would be easy to say to everyone in TTL==follow your heart,your guts..but...i still will say it to everyone here:smile

It took me a while to understand that It's my father that triggers me. My mom understands me, but only to a certain extent. Recently, I lost my job due to a co-worker who was manipulating me. He put on a good act, but I've been manipulated by the same type of person for the last 20 years. It took me a while to understand exactly where I am mentally. I was on edibles and mixed them with my prescribed medication. Everything was going fine, until I went on vacation and my mom and dad kicked me out of the house after cleaning my room and found my stash; that was on Day 1 of my supposed "Vacation". It was on a Saturday too, so they knew the bank was closed. I texted my brother to see if I could stay at his place, but I got barred from his place. I left the house with my work uniforms, but didn't have anywhere to go. I wandered around aimlessly until my younger brother called me. When he asked me where I was, I told him I was going to work to take a shower. He urged me to go to his house and when I told him I wasn't allowed to, he urged me even more. So I wound up at his place. Long story short, they allowed me back in the house, but only under the condition no more edibles. That's when the real **** started to happen.

Anyway, therapy Isn't for everyone. Sometimes, the problem is the ones who are closest to you. My dad has a tendency to see things in black and white. It's either hot or it's cold. I'm still having issues with my dad, but that's the price of "love". My dad has OCD tendencies and is a protestant Christian. My mom is also a protestant Christian. The first time I went on depression medication, it didn't work for me. I developed a bad drinking problem because I'm a high functioning individual. The second time I took depression medication, it worked. I even managed to gain weight and got up to 140 before the pandemic hit. I ran out of the meds, but just didn't refill them. Now, I'm back on them. I'm in the process of gaining weight again, but my mental health is much better. Couple weeks ago, I was at my lowest point. I'm currently in the process of bettering my life, but this is my very first post... so I hope it's time well spent.