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A theory on depression

This is a discussion on A theory on depression within the Alternative Treatment forums, part of the Treatment category; I believe that a depressed persons construct of a situation is looking at the negative aspect whereas when the same ...

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Old 03-20-09, 04:25 AM   #41
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I believe that a depressed persons construct of a situation is looking at the negative aspect whereas when the same person looks at the same situation when in a non-depressed state it is in a positive light.....The level of depression and how each person deals with this depression is different for every individual....I am positive that parents are not totally responsible for depression, as even good parents can have a depressed child, whether through a disorder or a negative life experience.... There is an argument that depression is a learned behaviour...This makes me annoyed as it minimises the experiences I have had that has lead to my depression...As with research they are all theories, as there is always another theory that will contradict the other....My mother has suffered depression for most of my life...but my depression in my response to the trauma I have experienced in MY life, I own........
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Old 03-20-09, 04:33 AM   #42
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That is a valid point about the minimization of experiences. It is as if they are saying you already had a predisposition towards depression so the trauma itself is a mere catalyst - you would have got depressed anyway.
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Old 03-20-09, 06:04 AM   #43
 
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Good point Delta, in my life I always realized we do have certain limitations of understanding as people. No matter how open we try ot be, some experiences others have will escape us.

So as a result I always try ot consider things in the practical level. As in this is how this person feels - it does not matter about the accuracy right, but WHY they feel this way and HOW to help it.

But along the same lines, I do think that if someone is accurately or inaccurately directing blame to parents, it is wasted time, that is not going to help resolve anything. What I think is more important is WHY they feel this matters still...and HOW to get them past it.

But also the prespective on how we take things in and interpret them makes a HUGE difference. Especially with respect to parents, who for the most part (excusing all serious abusers and nutty parents of course) have their children's best interest in mind. For me I had TONS of things I did not like about my father, his character, etc. but I knew he did have my best interests in mind, and the times he seemed not to I had to tell myself he must have and I would try instead ot understand why it does not seem like it in this situation, what is his logic or where is he coming from. By doing that I kept my relationship with my father, and it lifted my resentment toward sthe things i did not like about him a little bit. The prespective is what saved our relationship in the end.

Now after being diagnosed I realize HE has what I have, he does not realize it though. and all the bad characteristics of his I DID NOT like in fact taught me the skills to survive this disorder. That's what I mean by perspective, at the time I thought my dad was being an ass...but now i realize his delivery on certain topics is off because he's just as unstable as i am, but the message/content of it that I did absorb when i was trying ot understand him, regardless of my anger/resentment, were the lessons that helped me.

Again, I cannot emphasize how much perspective and how we take things in and think about them can help our relationships with ANYONE not just our parents. But parents too are human and make mistakes and as kids we do have to take a little responsiblity and give parents a little leeway and instead try to understand them as a person, rather than expect them to be completely transparent cause they are Mom and Dad the infallible or something...

Just saying, if you have parents you think have good intent, then it only take so much to try and understand their bad qualities or the mistakes they made raising you, which goes a lot further to healing you as a person, than just saying its the parents fault 'they never taught me'...when we're in class we're told to ASK right? so same with parents....ASK if you feel they are not doing what they should, but how can we expect parents to know and do everything just right, when we don't ask or say anything ourselves...its just not fair in my opinoin. I know i never otld my father a bunch of the stuff he did that bothered me, at least not to the extent it actually bothered me. so yea...maybe its just me, but its just that we can learn so much from our parents faults as well if we just tried instead of blockading it with resentment/anger or blame...
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Old 03-20-09, 06:35 AM   #44
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Some people are happy to hold onto their resentment of their parents, as this allows them to escape their responsibility of how they treat/ed their OWN children or other significant people in their lives. They are happy sitting in their own unhappiness and play the blame game....instead of being proactive in moving forward.
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Old 03-20-09, 07:08 AM   #45
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That's true. Blaming their parents for the mistakes they are making with their own children is a common occurrence.

As children we are not likely to know what it is our parents are not doing. Kids aren't that great at giving their parents advice in how to parent. Repeated patterns of behaviour carries weight. For instance families that do not talk openly with each other are not going to have children who can step out of the dynamic and speak about it to their parents in an objective way because they won't have the skills or confidence in the first place. Later, as adults, if they don't flag this in their own lives they will simply continue what they know and pass the legacy on.
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Old 03-20-09, 02:23 PM   #46
 
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I wonder if any sort of difficulty in learning can affect learning life skills and make someone make mistakes (or not know how to do tasks) which makes them depressed. And not just dysfunction with your parents.

I see depression like this right now:

The basis of being happy is getting what you want.
(don't start being cheeky and saying getting everything you want is not happiness, because getting everything you want might not be getting what you actually want is it)

In general there is dysfunction with someone parents, or their guardians with depressed people which affect a persons ability to learn life skills from them so they make alot of mistakes and or don't know how to handle alot of situations which stop them from being able to get what they want and be happy. Maybe other things may cause this aswell, but they arn't able to learn life skills properly.

When these lack of life skills make someone unhappy often enough they stop seeing the point in trying and fall into depression, stop seeing things making them happy etc, fall into the spiral.

The way to get out I think at the moment is to learn new things, more ways to achieve better in life in alot more areas so things that make you happy can happen to you more often.

I am sorry if this sounds confusing. Does anyone sort of understand what I mean?

Last edited by Oneday; 03-20-09 at 02:27 PM.
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Old 03-20-09, 08:44 PM   #47
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Can you be more specific. Which are you really talking about here.

what a person needs to be happy
what a person wants to be happy

I think your logic is seriously flawed because people are diverse in life skills but a lack of them does not translate into depression or happiness just as a bounty of them does not preclude them from depression or happiness.

I get the impression you feel that depression is definitely linked to a dysfunction in parents. This means where no dysfunction exists, neither will depression and that is simply not true. Some people track their history and patterns of behaviour through the family but it isn't logical to suggest that depression is more likely to occur or that the parents are responsible for depressive illness in their children.

Better to use the upbringing of the child and the patterns of behaviour as contextual so the now adult has a deeper understanding of themself and can take control of their own lives and move from victim to survivor - managing their health. That is my opinion only of course and it has no basis.
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Old 03-20-09, 10:12 PM   #48
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Depression is definitely not always the responsiblity of our parents...We have significant others in our lives who shape our being as we grow older...We learn from our parents, as I did that family violence is apart of life...but I have always known deep down, through social interaction and professional help that this is deviant behaviour. There comes a time where you take responsibility for your own way of thinking and acting by changing the dysfunction. We shape and define ourselves through each year of our lives....Maybe you are mixing up the learnt behaviour, with that it is easier to go with what you know rather than step out into unchartered waters to seek what you need to be different.
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Old 03-21-09, 03:21 AM   #49
 
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When you say this Delta40

'I think your logic is seriously flawed because people are diverse in life skills but a lack of them does not translate into depression or happiness just as a bounty of them does not preclude them from depression or happiness.'

That having some lifeskills won't stop you from getting depression?

In that case don't you just need to learn more life skills than you already have?
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Old 03-21-09, 03:50 AM   #50
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Oneday, I seriously doubt it is the acquisition of more life skills that precludes us from depression....It is life events....People can become depressed at what other people may consider unimportant...such as growing old, but to each individual that suffers from depression their issues are important...This is your quote
"In general there is dysfunction with someone parents, or their guardians with depressed people which affect a persons ability to learn life skills from them so they make alot of mistakes and or don't know how to handle alot of situations which stop them from being able to get what they want and be happy. Maybe other things may cause this aswell, but they arn't able to learn life skills properly" ...
This can apply to the "parent's parents". It is the old debate of Nature vs Nuture - which one shapes us????? It is a combination of both, in my opinion....
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