[ WARNING! POST CONTAINS EXPLICIT MATERIAL! IF YOU CONTINUE READING YOU AGREE THAT YOU ARE 18+ (AND IF YOU'RE NOT 18+ AND ARE VERY SUSCEPTIBLE TO VIOLENT AND/OR SEXUAL CONTENTS, THEN FOR YOUR OWN GOOD: STOP READING THIS! THIS QUALIFIES AS DANGEROUS "VENTING" ]
Well I can explain one thing. I've always been a male feminist in some ways. Even to the point where I don't try to "court" girls at all, or even try to talk to them, because suddenly I think of my self as a sexual deviant with only one thing on my mind.
The main reason for this must be Johnny. Johnny used to be like a father to me, when my biological father was to unconscious to take his hand off the beer-glass. He was a truckin man, who drove freight from Bergen to Oslo. I rode with him a couple of times, across the rocky and icy mountains of Norway. He tried to teach me to stand up for my self (tho it failed at an early age). I actually wanted to be a trucked one day because of him.
But one night I hear this strange noise and as I go to investigate I find that Johnny's lifting the bedsheets so he can get a better look. I also find out at age 19 or something that I suppressed the fact that his own son had raped my sister, not once, but on two separate occasions . I friggin forgot this! I can't even believe it to this very day.
So everytime I end up saying something wrong to a girl, or get that weird "wtf" look, it sticks to my conscience like a concoction of beans, rice, and a big old humid ball of chewing gum, all welded together with superglue, ready to flash back some unsuspecting night when I try to "relax".
I can't kiss for nothing, I've had no relationships, and my connection with women is not distant, but non-existent.
Thank god for anonymity. If I wasn't anonymous here I wouldn't have wrote this. But I tell it to all my friends (the bit about Johnny and my sister that is, not the "relaxation" part or the girl problem part (they already know the latter).
PS: Yes, I know what you're thinking, and if I ever do go bonkers then first on my list is Johnny Jr. After being gangraped by a collection of rabid and sleep-depraved zoo orangutans, hopped up on viagra and meth-amphetamine, he will enjoy being strapped to the wall of a polar bears cave, with a sirloin strapped to his private parts, and bacon around his face (for that little hope of instant death).
Anger issues? Me? Noooo...