Not sure if this is the right forum for this question, but I was more curious who had found themselves in my situation and if Ďití work for lack of a better word.
Iím 30 and have been aware of my depression for a few years now. Iím fairly introverted and have always had low self esteem, consequently, a very limited romantic history.
The last few years, as social networks shrink, the biggest issue with me is that Iíve just become very lonely and have this feeling of emptiness in my life, like I have nothing to look forward to, not through work, a hobby or an social means. Iím not talking about having a fun Vegas trip upcoming, I mean that I lack a serious sense of purpose or excitement in life, this is what leaves me feeling empty, unfilled and lonely.
Naturally, this drag down everything else in life. I suffer decreased motivation with work and hobbies, I just struggle to see a reason to work hard at anything anymore because I donít see a reward or light at the end of the tunnel. I just seem to pass uneventfully through life, mindless going through the day and the motions, wishing for a better life.
Iíve been looking to fill that void in my life. I know deep down, if I can just find that thing in life (job, hobbie, purpose, whatever) I could pull myself up and be bold and ambitious again.
My questions and the advice I want to seek is that, for those who have ever felt the same as me, how did you remove the emptiness.
For a few years now, Iíve tried online dating. Though Iím told Iím an agreeable person and am somewhat good looking, it has been a struggle. Iíve never really had a girlfriend and itís something Iíd like to have. Iím told intimacy is one the most rewarding things you can have in life, but I would never know.
Iíve dated dozens upon dozens of girls the past few years, from all walks of life, be it the young aspiring law student, or the older care free waiteress, but they have all ended the same, with them leaving after a few dates. But I keep at, naively thinking that by doing the same thing over and over I eventually get a different result and finally get a girl friend
But I suspect what Iíve been doing the past few years is that Iíve been trying to fill that void, that emptiness of depression in my life, by getting a girl friend. I sometimes find myself thinking, if just find the woman I love, the loneliness and emptiness will disappear. Iíll have purpose and drive again, the wind in my sails will come back. Every day when I come back from work, I scour the online dating site and phone apps, thinking ĎIíll find her, eventuallyí I do this to the point where it occupies a lot of my free time.
But thereís something about me that says this may not be healthy. Is it naive to think or believe a relationship will remove my issues? Is it really fair to expect this out of someone, to cure my lonliness?
Or should I fill that void by finding something else in life that makes me happy, like a job or hobby, and hope that, along the way of pursuing this new passion, I then meet the woman I love.
I want to have a girlfriend, I do want someone I can home to and just be emotionally intimate with because Iíve never had that before.
But should it wait? Am I doing the wrong thing?