Well Monday is my first appointment in years with a case manager at the center I go to for major depression and I am very nervous. I had a case manager probably 10 years ago and never bothered to ask for another one. They help people with disabilities find housing and they also help with things like Medicaid and food stamps. I am currently seeking housing because I am not that happy living at home with my mom anymore. I probably never have been that happy but I tolerated it all these years. She has always been critical of me growing up, more so than my brother and sister. Even though my brother and sister don't live with me and my mom (thank God) it still hurts the way I feel she has favored them over the years. I'm ready to move on. Have some freedom and live on my own. This way I can finally wear what I want, do what I want, go where I want, date who I want , and have any company at my place that I want. Not that I have anyone to come over besides my boyfriend but still. I get tired of her telling anybody who will listen negative things about me. Oh that I don't do much around the house or I'm lazy and being all around critical of me. We still aren't talking after our fight and it has been a month now. We are living in the same house yet we are not speaking. That piece of shit boyfriend of hers says she has nothing to apologize for but I feel I don't either. All I said was the truth. She does play favorites between me and her other two kids and I am fed the fuck up. She's critical of me in ways I feel she is not critical of my sister and brother. I finally spoke up and told her how I feel after keeping it inside for so long and I guess she's still mad. Plus she basically said I better hope nothing happens to her because if it does I will be out on the streets because she made it sound like she would leave her money and the house to my asshole siblings. I was freaking so hurt by that I felt suicidal even. But this is just one of the many reasons I need to seek housing because she is already very old. She will be 68 next month in May. I have to be prepared. And she would do something like that too, give them the house and all her money. I would not put it past her. If she halfway gave a shit about me then she would have already discussed her will with me which she hasn't done. This is more evidence she would give everything to them and leave me out in the cold. Stupid bitch of a sister was in jail 4 times and my mom doesn't look down on her for it the way I know she would if I was. She was in jail once for attacking her husband and a few times for shoplifting. Plus she's had two affairs when she was married and that's just two guys I know about. Knowing her there could have been more guys. Yet my mom always sticks up for her. Yet one time I had a painful meeting with some scumbag trying to get in my pants and she wasn't supportive at all saying I should have known better than to meet some guy off a chatline because all they want is sex. And she was very rude about it. True, but she could have been a little more understanding and supportive. After all, at least I was single and not a married woman like my sister. This is just one of countless examples so I won't get into it right now. Anyway I just hope I can get on the waiting list at least so I can get away from all of them. Sure they will still be judging me but at least I won't have to be around to hear it and put up with it which always puts me in a deeper depression than I'm already in. She always talks crap about me to her fat boyfriend, my brother, or whoever is willing to listen. Most parents only say good things about their kids but not her. I'm just tired of all the negativity. I was listening to one of her conversations with that piece of shit boyfriend of hers and he criticizes me for not working and she doesn't even defend me. I always defend her if someone criticizes her yet she can't do the same for me. That piece of shit guy is very judgmental too. He was saying he don't see how I do it meaning not working or doing anything all day or going anywhere. Like what the fuck does that fat pig do, NOTHING! Lays around all day sleeping and watching sports and goes to movies. WOW! How exciting! At least I go out once a week to eat and go dancing and in the summer I love going to the beach and talking walks in the park and going to other festivities, he don't do shit. He's too much of a fat, lazy pig ass slob. The only reason he goes to the movies so much is because it doesn't require any physical activity. At least I like walking in the summer. More than he does. But what the fuck ever. I just hope the housing works out and I can finally be free of their bullshit.