I'm hoping that me posting on this site lets me gets things off of my chest, just in general to make me feel better and better still to get some advice and support.
When I was 16 I thought I had met the bloke of my dreams, how wrong could I be, I thought things were great but obliviously being young and thinking I was in love was completely stupid. So many people, family and friends kept telling me that he was cheating on me being seen with different females all the time, he would never answer my calls or texts would never meet me when he said he would and me being so stupid use to just wait around for him, this carried on for 5 years on off, then I found out I was pregnant, things started to change for the worst I wouldn't see him from one week to the next. He would be short and blunt and very distant with me when we were together and yes a few times he raised a hand to me, and I was still stupid and stuck at it thinking he would change. When I was 7 months pregnant he left one morning and that was the last I seen of him till our daughter was 3 weeks old. When I let him back into our lives I thought he had changed and my feelings for him were still there, I thought we could be one big happy family, how wrong could I be, he would come over to see our daughter every lunchtime for 3 weeks and then that stopped and to this day now, I've never understood why.
When I was 21 my friends decided it would be a laugh for me to try online dating, that's where I met my now ex partner. Obliviously I had a very young daughter already and he didn't find this an issue. The first 3 years of this relationship was brilliant, yet again I thought I had found "the one" yet again I was wrong. I feel pregnant in 2005,this would of been his first born, he was over the moon and things were good. I moved away from all my family and friends just to be with him and to have our first child together. That's when things changed, once our daughter was 6 months old I had enough of being away and I wanted to return back to my home town with my family and friends as I felt so alone where we were to, he agreed. Once we had moved back things when from bad to worst, I was left at all time with my daughter from my previous relationship and our daughter he was never at home he would leave home at 7am and return at 3am some weekends he would never bother coming home and I was none the wiser of where he was. When I started to question him regarding this, things got nasty, one time I found a chat on our computer, I confronted him about it, he threw cups and glasses at me, pinned me up against the wall by the neck and even pushed me in our bathtub, knocking my head and blacking out for a while. But guess what......I forgave him for what he did and his cheating ways. This happened 3-4 times, the marks were always where no one could see them, he was clever and he knew that I had grown scared of him. This seemed like a de ja vu relationship like my previous one. I even fell pregnant again 2010 thinking that this would help us sort our problems out, but I was just kidding myself as the whole time I was pregnant he was having It away with my then best mate. He then left one Saturday night after yet another beating and a row when our daughter was 6 months old and went off with the other woman and never returned.
I then swore to myself that I wouldn't put myself through all that heartache again and stayed singled for 18 months and focused on myself and my daughters. In that I time I moved and got my life back on track.
18 months is quite a while to be single and us women do have needs, I decided to join Facebook after a few weeks a bloke that I had grown up with, when to primary and secondary school started chatting to me. It was great to have someone show me some attention. We chatted for weeks through Facebook, text and on the phone. We got together for coffee, and we just hit it off and oh my things were great, he was the most caring loving bloke I had met In a long time I honesty felt he was different to past my relationships, yet again I was wrong, were still together now after 18 months but yet again its de ja vu the name calling, threats, pushing, hitting, bruises being pinned up against the wall. I know your all most probably thinking why is this stupid woman putting up with it. One word....scared, scared of my partner and scared of being alone. Wrong reasons to stay and put up with it I know but I feel I have no other choice. Sometimes things are great but just when you think we have over come some of our problems something starts off and were back to square one. I feel like I'm walking on broken glass as everything I do is wrong so its get to the point that I don't do anything in case I get shouted out. I don't go out with my friends anymore as that causes arguments but he finds ok to spend time with his ex wife go out with mates and not bother coming home.
I have limits I feel that I have now gone over them and feel its time to get some strength and sort this out as I really don't want this going further.
I feel a little better sharing this, and I know there is a lot of people that have had to put up with worst than this, but feeling alone with no one to talk and air your concerns is a worry that's why I joined this forum jus to get some general feedback.