Story of my Life. At the moment
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Story of my Life. At the moment

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Old 01-20-11, 10:30 PM   #1
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Default Story of my Life. At the moment

Well I'm new so I don't really know where to go on here to introduce myself....... but right now I need a friend.

A year ago I was diagnosed with postpartum, and someone that I trusted took advantage of it by falsely pressing charges of neglect. Recently the charges were dropped but financially I can't not care for him so My MIL ( Mother in Law) is going to care for him till I have myself together. This part in my story is not why I'm here ironically enough or the stuff that happened to me as a child.

My family has made it very clear that they blame me even though I didn't ask for it. So they basically treat me like DogS**t, Like I am not important to my son that I'm a F**k up and that he would be better without me. I'm beginning to believe it. This last year my dad tried to humiliate me by cussing me out for getting in the way of his picture EVEN though my kid was munching on a fragile Christmas Orderment ( yes my spelling sucks). He did this infront of my 1yr old. So you could imagine how hurt I am by this but once again this in not the part in my story that brings me here.

This is

Even though I have a court order I cannot see my son unless I pretend like them that my dad didn't do what he did on christmas eve. I haven't seen my son since christmas eve and it is killing me. So fast forward to yesterday. I got a interview and a amazing job at a fortune 100 company. Really excited right? well My husband calls to tell me that he can't come get me so I have no choice but to call my dad. ( had not had any contact with him since christmas eve) to give me a ride.

It made me wish that I had just walked the five odd miles home. He had my son in the back of the car. He didn't let me : hold, touch, kiss, or visually see him. All I could do was listen to him babble mama dada the whole ride home. I wanted and still want to not exist.
Just fade into nonexistence. This hurts way too much. I can't do this anymore. I can't stand this feeling inside of me all the time. I just want a ending.

These people know I'm on meds. But they treat my meds like they are magick beans that make all of your troubles dissaper.

I can't do this, I can't take them including my husband in on this torture. Last night I got so drunk because I don't want to feel this pain. I feel like a failure to him and my son. like I'm incompetent, stupid, useless, worthless, selfish piece of horseS**t.

Well if anyone reads this I do appreciate it. All I need is a shoulder to cry on and I'm all out of people who I can talk to.
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Old 01-20-11, 11:12 PM   #2
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I am here to talk. I can understand why you must be upset by all of these things. But look at you, you just found a job! You are moving forward! Good for you. I hope that you can try to focus on the positive parts and see yourself working your way toward where you want to be.

Try taking all of the "I can't"'s in your mind and turn them into "I can"'s

I would suggest you actually writing them down. It feels more real that way. You can post them on here if you feel comfortable.
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Old 01-30-11, 02:28 AM   #3
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Reading this all made me really sad :(
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