Serious issues with a mother
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Serious issues with a mother

This is a discussion on Serious issues with a mother within the Abuse forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; Hi, this is my very fist post on this forum, and I'm hoping you'll be able to help me, give ...

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Old 06-09-10, 04:50 AM   #1
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Default Serious issues with a mother

Hi, this is my very fist post on this forum, and I'm hoping you'll be able to help me, give an advice, or just to understand me. Here comes my story:

I'm 17, and my mother is one crazy woman. I felt guilty couple mouths ago when I wished she was dead. Now I don't. His constant terror over me made me so cold and kinda depressed. Even at moment of writing this she's standing over my head yelling and screaming about me spending too much time on computer (but I actually sit 2 - 2.5 hour on computer during the day). I got used to my mother, but still i can't find a way to define her behavior, so I'm just gonna say some examples of her treatment to me.

All my friends can go out for like couple hours, and all of them gotta be home till 3am (Fridays and Saturdays). But, thanks to her I have to be home by 23pm. And if I'm just a minute late she'll scream at me and sometimes even hit me. Do you know how it feels when all of your friends are going out at the time when you have to be home. I'm ain't no chauvinists but girls can be out till like 3am. I remember when I was like 13, my "going out" was till 8pm. And I came home five minutes later, my mother took a belt and hit me couple of times over my torso, I had to go to see a doctor.

She is a freaking maniac and she need to control my every step, it's like living in high power jail!I can't go to my friends house for like ten minutes without her asking what I'm gonna do there etc. It's normal for a parent to know what is his child doing, but I'm 17 and she acts like I''m in penitentiary.

When she comes home I don't know will she yell, and for what, or she's gonna take something and try to hit me with that (once she threw a trash can on me - but she missed). She doesn't hesitate to hit me with a belt, with a stick, it doesn't matter to her. Once she took my keyboard and smashed it. She is taking my cell phone from me, so as my computer, she grounds me etc. I became immune on that, but it still hurts though.

I remember when I was 12, and I had a birthday party. She came and hit me in the face and threw all my friends out, cause she had a problem with a "very loud music".

She loves to disparage me in public or privately. When we go to our cousins she tells me what I can say and when. She is shutting me up when I speak, yelling at me etc. She’s not letting me to talk to them, and when she does she’s asking questions what I spoke to them.

I'm so depressed and lonely with her. I have a lot of friends, but you know what I mean. I don't know, but I think it's not normal for a 17 years old boy to cry over his life full of misery because of her mother.

I'm afraid I'm gonna kill her. Not so long ago she was just about to beat me, and I grab her hands and it was like a second that pushed me back, otherwise, she would be dead now.

I'm almost straight A student, one of the best in my generation (at my school). But she's always yelling about me not learning enough etc. She says that my friends are having bad influence on me, but they're not. They are all good guys that I know for years (so as she). In her opinion I'm too stupid to go out, to have friends, or do/have anything else. I didn't get her support for anything I ever tried. And everything I do has to be "undercover" because she's a freaking control freak and she despise my been!

I think for myself I'm a good boy, student (I don't smoke, drink, smoke pot, I'm an excellent student...), but it's not enough for her. Her life is miserable, so she wants to destroy mine. And I'm helpless.

I tried to talk to her, didn't help. I argue and fight back when she yelled, didn't help too. My family tried to talk to her, and she just yell at them and send them to hell.

She's also screaming at my dad, so he's forced to go out, sometimes for couple of hours just not to be with her, and when he gets back she continues with her screaming session! He's helpless too.

My "mother" is constantly doing everything in my contra! She's insulting me, yelling, not letting go out, everything. It's not normal for anyone to wish his mother is dead, but I do. I want her dead. And there's nothing I can do about it. Either to help myself, or anything... I don’t feel a bit a guilt about my wishes for her.

Right now, my brother gave me an advice: try to ignore her, and avoid conflicting her. And it kinda helps. Didn't improved my situation though, but my nerves are less stressed (but she’s also yelling, but she stops after half an hour, before she knew to scream in the same rhythm for an hour or more).

I was a swimmer for like two years, and I developed a nice musculature. But my club fell apart, so I had to stop with it. I gain a little fat on my belly so I'm trying to loss it, and I want to go to the gym. My mother told me I'm insane, that I'm too fat and too weak (lol) to do something like that. So I have to go undercover, cause if she finds out, I'm basically a dead man. She says I have a terrible body (except for the belly, I really don't) so she's making fun of my how I can't go to the pool, or take my shirt off etc. She actually spitted at me once. And, not to mention that she's saying it on daily base how she's unhappy for having me, that it would be better for her that she never give me born etc.

And one more example of her abusive behavior. Couple of days ago some guys and girls from my class planned to have a field trip for some of us that are hanging out regardless to school. It was supposed to be one day trip on one of beaches near my city, and we planned to get back by night. When I mention that suggestion to my mother, and when I asked for the permission to go, she screamed and yelled at me, and he said there's on way she would let me to go out with them (there's really no reason for that, it's just her sick mind). Of course, then she started with threats, like she's gonna ground me etc. All of my mates can go to this trip, except me.

To be honest, I don't know how will I take it ‘till I'm 18. I think I'll go crazy, or I'll kill her, or something... I just don't know. She made my life a living hell. Its not a life anymore, it's an everyday struggle.

She has no friends, she has no one, no one loves her, everyone is avoiding her, or afraid of her, so she needs a spot to torture someone and cure her frustrations (so I'm a perfect target). She's a sadist, and I don't know how much more I can take it from her. Please, help me. I'm desperate.

P.S Sorry for my my bad English.
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Old 06-09-10, 05:00 AM   #2
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she sounds very abusive. first of all it is not OK for her to be hitting you with her hand or a belt. that is assault and it's against the law in most countries.
It is also very emotionally abusive for her to be yelling at you all the time. It's OK that you are feeling very frustrated about this and it would be good if you could talk to someone, like a counselor or a helpline.
There are some very good books on verbal abuse by patrica evans, I think she has a website as well.
Please find someone to talk to, you shouldn't have to live with this kind of abuse. and welcome to the forum!! :)
all the best
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Old 06-09-10, 05:37 AM   #3
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Well, I know it's against the law for her to hit me, but it's pretty much in common for a parents sometimes to hit their kids until they turn 8- 9 (in my country, and I'm from Europe) I'm not saying I'm supporting this method, cause I don't, I just say it's in common behavior around here. Although, when parent hits his child it's not some strong punch, but things I've been through/going through... it's a living hell.

I tried to talk to someone, my brother is very helpful, some of my friends too, but they're not in my shoes though, so there's nothing they can actually do to get me out. But, I don't have enough money for a professional help. And if I report my mother to authorities, real issues will start (police will get involved etc). I want to find a peaceful solution, but it seems impossible from this perspective.

Thanks for advice about Patricia Evans books and site, I visited it instantly and I'm currently reading it to find something that could be helpful for me. Thanks for the support and quick answer.

Last edited by RollingKopcter; 06-09-10 at 05:40 AM.
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Old 06-09-10, 05:56 AM   #4
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This might sound strange, or even sick to you, but seriously, she is craving for love. She acts just like a five year old trying to get attention. Remember kindergarden? If you liked a girl, you would go around pushing her, hoping she would notice you. Try to show her love. If you ever see her in a normal mood, watching tv or something, try to sit down beside her and say something like: "You know mom, I love you. You are great". Even if you don't really mean it. The only way to get a screaming kid to stop trashing around is to aknowledge him. I know because I were a kid like that myself. It might be hard, harder than anything so far, but she really needs love, try to give it to her. If she lets you, hug her. She needs you to. Even though it seems impossible for you to love her.
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Old 06-09-10, 06:14 AM   #5
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I said I want to find a peaceful solution for my problem, and if you think this would help, I'll do it. And you're right, I don't mean she's great, and I think I don't love her, well, not anymore (and I'm pretty sure there's no way she'll let me hug her). But for sure, I'm gonna give a shot to your suggestion. I think I got nothing to lose. In worse case scenario - she''ll scream and yell for like half an hour. Though, I don't think she needs me, loves me or... If she does, she wouldn't be treating me like I'm a monster.

I'm 95% sure this will not give any result, regardless to that, I'm gonna try. Thanks for suggestion. :)
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Old 06-09-10, 06:25 AM   #6
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You should try that. But be aware. You must use timing for everything it is worth. It is better to wait a day or two, and find the perfect time than to just blurt it out when she is angry. Does she cry sometimes? That is when you need to hear loving words the most. And don't give up after just one try. Keep talking to her. And make it sound like you really mean it. Think about what you will say and look her in the eyes when you say it. Try it, and be optimistic. If you think it will fail, you can be darn sure it will fail to. Infact I say that if you do get the possibillity to tell her, the chances are about 50 % that she will get you.
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Old 06-09-10, 07:43 AM   #7
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OK, then. I'll listen your advice, and I'll talk to her that way when I catch her in good mood, or when she starts crying (she does cry sometimes). I'll write here what I did, and what happened. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate this.
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Old 06-09-10, 08:57 AM   #8
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Well as long as you don't make an attempt at fighting her. I tried that with my mom and she is so stubborn I can't help needing to suppress violent murderous rage when I think of that woman.
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Old 06-09-10, 01:04 PM   #9
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Good luck man and best wishes from me to you n_n
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Old 06-19-10, 03:45 PM   #10
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Hey, I came here to tell you about progress with my mother. Yesterday we actually talked like normal people, without yelling, screaming and hitting. I'm not saying it was easy for me to make that step and approach her so we could talk. For the start I asked her how is she doing. She was like WTF? After that she answered me in normal ton, and the conversation started. After that I said I kinda love her, I don't want to fight with her etc. I'm not saying it was five minutes decision. I struggled with myself about talking with her, but I did it. Today she didn't yelled at me, and I'm hoping she won't tomorrow.

Thanks a lot guys for all the help and support you gave me, I appreciate it so much. I'm not saying things will go smooth from now on, but I'm gonna do my best to improve my situation and regulate relationship with my mother. I did a little thing, but that is a step forward. I know I'd never did it without your advices and support. Thank you all, one more time!
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