I'm just so sick and tired of this life and this world. There is absolutely NOTHING that can justify why i was born. I NEVER asked to live this life. Never EVER. I was abused by my mom, a doctor, some staff members and some bullies. These peoples lives great lifes.

WHY!!!!

Why the fuck is it that people are allowed to pick on individuals like me. I don't have a mom, I don't have any family, and the friends I had left me when they found out that i was vulnerable, so they could enjoy picking on me too.

The world is a play ground for sick and evil people. Recently i found out that the woman who calimed to be my mom is not my actual mom. I don't know my real parents. The woman who claims to be my mom, is a staff member for the commune. She has used me as a puzzebrick to make money. Here where I am from, it is legal to take kids who has parents that does not care for them, and then place them in private owned boardings schools,like that etc. Here, the staff members beats up the most vulnerable kids, which would be me, because my mother has planned it with them. They then get paid for it by the commune. Is this even fucking legal?!?!

This pain is so extreme. Maybe god isn't real and if he was then what a fucking asshole. I tried everything. I tried OD. I cutted my arms up there is nowhere left to cut. I tried taking distance from these people but the woman who claims to be my mother keeps finding new tricks to get more of these people to pestering me. The only time they go away is when i Insult them.

I just want to die. I never got the chance to live a proper life. It was already planned when i was born. I cannot accept this life or destiny. I was suicidal years ago I'm still wondering why I did not commit suicide a long time ago. People loves to see innocent and vulnerable people in pain. And they win. The better you are at picking on helpless people, the more you win. The key to this fantastic world. Abuse innocent and vulnerable people. Hey, this kid does not have any parents, EVERYONE ATTACK!!!. Oh wait, there is his mother, oh shit, hey wait she is not his mother she is just claiming to be so she can make money out of this kid, ok everyone continue the attack.

FUCK THIS WORLD. I FUCKING hope that this shithole explodes, But oh no, the people who treat other people like shit are being rewarded with great lifes. Wow, this guy picked on an innocent kid, respect. Let's all reward them, good job. You screwed up an innocent kids life, damn that's awesome. Let's all laugh now. We even made money out of it! man we rock. And I'm the sucker obviously. I don't like picking on other people, i actually stood up for a few people and what am i being rewarded with? A BUCKET FULL OF SHIT.

FUCK this world. Fuck everyone on it, and TO HELL with those sick fucks who has been pestering me for my entire life. I Just wish i knew my real mom and dad

You are still alive. Those people who hurt you thought they could squish you, they didn't give you a proper life, but you are alive now, you can give yourself what you've always wanted.

My whole entire childhood was nothing but abuse, I hated life. I didn't ask to be born, at least not to my knowledge. I don't think many people ask to be put here. Every day was a nightmare, school was a nightmare, my family was a nightmare. Everywhere I turned there was pain on every corner, pain in the media, pain around the world.

So many times I thought about just killing myself, so many times I went out and attempted it. Things were just so hard. I thought things wouldn't get better, but things _did_ get better. I had to and still have to work for them to get better, but it gets better when I let it.

When I was able to leave people who were negatively impacting me behind (by leave I mean, I moved far far away), I started my new life, I made my own family and my own friends I decided that my childhood sucked plain and simple (I don't even like to think about it anymore), but I'm alive now, and everyday that I am alive I can make changes, and differences. I can do what's in my power to give myself what I feel like I deserve.

Surrounding myself with select friends that I run across by chance who appreciate me for who I am, and I have the family I've made that isn't perfect, but we know that it takes work to be happy and when you select only people in your life who are willing to work together, it makes all the differences. A year or two ago I wouldn't have thought it was possible.

I would have probably killed myself, because I didn't think it'd ever get better. The world has a lot of things in it that sucks, but there are a lot of beautiful things in it too we just have to look for it.

Since you have been, and are being abused, you should somehow contact the police. There has to be a way to get out of this situation. You are able to get on the net - so there is a way to contact people outside the commune. I would ask you to take all this hate and anger, and put it towards finding a way out of your situation.

You were put on this earth for a reason. I was abused as a child too. By my real father. But I made a life for myself and learned to love myself. I have a family and live 2 states away from all the abuse. I have a happy life. It is possible for you to have one as well. It's just hard for you to see right now, because you are in the middle of such a mess.

Keep talking to us. We can help you come up with ideas for changing your circumstances. How old are you, by the way? And also, no one will make fun of you here, so you do have a place to come to, to find friends.

You can't stay and take the abuse. You need to leave and find somewhere else. There is good out there in the world and good people who won't bully and/or abuse you. Things can get better for you but happiness won't always just come to you; sometimes you have to go out and find it or make your own. I hope that you can come to terms with life and can find some solace. Things will get better but you have to be willing to make the changes so that they can.

Thanks for the response everyone. I decided to move out of my moms house, i realized that i have to make the difference myself, she is of no good use to me. I will make a small difference to start with, just by moving away from her and out for myself. From here on, I'm on my own and I'm not going back to her again, that abuse was once in a lifetime.

It gets slightly better when you leave your parents. I will not say it improves drastically, but there is a noticeable difference.

hi FFJ, atleast you are an awesome person, even everything you've been through. you're a hero. the fact that you're still alive is a proof that you're stronger than the most of us.

good for you that you moved out. hope the future is kind to you

(((ffj))) i'm so sorry for what you have gone through. you are right to say that our world is fucked up. but we must always be on the lookout for the good things, because they are what keeps us going. glad you moved out, hope you're doing all right.

Thanks blackrose, thanks for your supportive comment. It all helps.

This is just insane how much suffer one person can handle...