My abusive father ruined my childhood
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My abusive father ruined my childhood

This is a discussion on My abusive father ruined my childhood within the Abuse forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; I grew up with a father who is both physically and emotionally abusive. He also expects things to be done ...

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Old 03-16-16, 10:17 AM   #1
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I grew up with a father who is both physically and emotionally abusive. He also expects things to be done his way and for me to be perfect. He is bi-polar, but doesn't do anything about it because he drinks a lot of beer with his meds. My dad regularly beats my mom, sometimes to the point of death. He also berates me for not being toilet trained properly; he once struck me for peeing on the floor of a CVS when I couldn't hold it any longer. I was actually glad when my parents divorced, and I never spoke to or trusted my father since.

Can anyone relate to this, or does anyone else here have an abusive parent or family member. I'm interested in hearing about it.
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Old 03-22-16, 09:47 PM   #2
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I have an abusive father and had an abusive grandfather. Have many shitty stories, but it's not that important now because I am out from that environment for 10 years. It affected my life a lot especially when I wasn't realizing the significance of the situation. I got into abusive relationship and wasn't respecting myself. But when I start going to counselling my life slowly started to change.
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Old 05-31-16, 04:13 AM   #3
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My mum was physically very abusive. My dad as well but not as extreme so it seemed normal.
My mum changed over to being emotionally abusive as I got older. I'm still in contact - I know I'm an idiot and she changed totally once she had a life threatening illness. Now she's just nasty.
I wish I could give some advice - well I can but it's not advice that I've ever carried out because I'm too weak. Burt here goes - cut the toxic people out of your life and don't let it shape your life - just let it go,
I wish I had done that so many years ago. It sounds good and I'm sure it would work.
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Old 07-29-16, 04:59 PM   #4
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yes i have abusive father. and a submissive mother. i am pretty sure that is the worst combo ever. i asked my mother once if she stayed with that asshole if he had beaten her. she said no. it's hard to believe. this man was so merciless to torture little kids who weren't able to defend themselves. everytime he saw me he used to say something to hurt me. when i crawled back to my room he would return again and again to hurt me even more and more. he must have loved to do it. OMG how i hate him. my aunt his sister always made pressure on me to forgive him, told me that he loved me. that he can't do anything about it how he was... i guess i believed this nonsense. she believes this until present day. of course she had no idea what was happening behind closed doors. she only knew him from what she experienced how he behaved towards her. i am pretty sure if there were no such people around who lied to me that he loved me, etc i would have ran away from home. maybe that would have saved me. also i believed that i was an idiot. my own father was telling me this every day so he must have been right. everything i did was wrong. absolutely everything. ha ha you are so stupid you are doing this the wrong way. you are doing everything the wrong way.. hahaha how stupid you are. how can i have such a stupid son.. should have smashed his face with a hammer. the worst thing though is that i see many similarities in the behavior of myself. how i want to criticize everyone for everything. want to make everyone feel bad. the biggest difference is that i know that it is wrong. that it is the result of his influence on me. i fight with myself everyday not to be like him. instead of criticizing i try to be positive, to be supportive. it is very hard though. i am angry, sad, negative. and it is me who has to be positive... how odd. it is hard to see people around you to progress in lives thanks to how they were raised by their loving parents. while i am still fighting with most common things like saying "hi"" to someone i know on the street. it is hard listening to their ambitious plans while my whole plan is waiting for the end. of course i don't want them to be successful, to leave me rot in my misery while they live their dreams. despite of this i always try to encourage them to pursue their happiness. i know it's hypocrisy but this is all i know. can't do any better. and i hope that when i have kids of my own i will be able to encourage them and support them their whole lives. that i can beat my father in me... what do you think? is this possible? should a man like me have kids?
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Old 07-31-16, 12:05 PM   #5
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Mine was too your not the only one whos been in that situation.
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Old 10-04-18, 09:05 PM   #6
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Abusive father. I relate to you on him wanting it done his way/perfectly. he used to lock us in the front porch (no heating, always cold even in the summer. generally a few degrees cooler than outside at least) or just scream at us. luckily when I was 17 I learned mine was a coward when i hit him back and managed to put him on his ass and he hasnt hurt me since. I dont know whats wrong with him but theres definitely something. He's also a leach off his mum who is now slowly dying with the excuse he looks after her so he deserves everything he takes. he looks after her so well he gets his girlfriend to do what he should and his sister and her husband had to move into my nans house to care for her full time, which he lives off due to the government paying him to be her carer. The only real thing worth doing is moving away from him as soon as you can and cutting him out of your life for good. I have other friends with abusive parents and we all find the same conclusion: there's no hope for them. Drop them. No point being angry at them or anything just forget them. Once you get away from them laugh at them because despite everything they did you're still here and you can thrive. My bigest fear is that I will become like my father, I also use that as motivation to do everything I can to become the best version of myself.
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Old 10-05-18, 09:29 AM   #7
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i would like to reply towards the folks who posted in this thread..we all know what abuse can do to anyone=be it sexual,verbal,family matters,workplace,domestic violence,incest,child abuse,financial issues etc....it all comes to the point of someone who's sick in the head and using his/her power to feel stronger or dominantly obsessive over another person..i cannot say too much about abuse myself because in the first place i had no parent situation as such because my mother died when i was 2,my Dad could not cope with bringing me up,probably because of his alcoholic issues?i was put with my uncle/aunt,say foster parents at age 6...nothing wrong there either exept for the fact that i later found out that they abused my dad financially asking money for my clothes,shoes,etc..which i never got anyway...they used my father because they knew he was gonna send money..and in fact they used it to their own benefits,not mine..that's abuse as well so to speak..what i read in this thread is highly disturbing for the people involved and i all give you my respect for coming out into the open with issues which we cannot even imagine,i think abuse by parents is often caused by power games=domination,verbal insults,violence..all of this results in anger,
anxiety,hate,low self worth,and trauma...how do we fight toxic people if we feel harmless against it as victims?often i notice these disturbances come under taboo topics like incest,violence,shame,guilt,remorse and so on..and it's not talked about enough in my opinion...I am glad folks speak up and say what they have to say..
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Old 10-05-18, 09:20 PM   #8
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I had a somewhat abusive dad. He was the town drunk. He once got so drunk they had to carry him home in a wheelbarrow. He once came home drunk and almost beat my mom with a switch. I jumped in the middle of them at age 5 (I was feisty back then) and he swept me aside. He cheated a lot too. My mom tried for the marriage to work until he got someone pregnant. The mistress called and told her point blank. My mom was in shock and divorced. He didn't pay one penny of child support and never even so much as sent us a Christmas card or a birthday card or a letter. He once came for my eighth birthday with some dopey princess card and a toy radio suited for a five year old.
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