First of all, I'm sorry it's taken me years to formally write this down. Changing who you are for the better is all well and good, but one can never fully right the wrongs done in one's past unless they make some sort of amends.
This is for the girl I used to harass on the long bus ride home, the one who always tried to hide her tears from me but never managed,
This is for the boy who's nose I nearly broke because he cut me in line,
This is for the girl I threatened and stabbed with my pencil,
This is for the crowd of people who shrank back from me in fear whenever I yelled,
This is for the small boy I repeatedly pushed into the mud,
This is for the girl who could barely show her face because of rumors I thought up,
This is for every teacher I've ever stood up to and threatened,
I am so sorry.
So little, said so late. But it has to be said.
I'm sorry for forcing my twisted ideals open you, I'm sorry for using you as experiments in my quest for higher self esteem. I'm sorry for the sick thrill I got whenever I saw the fear in your eyes, I'm sorry for the way I tried so very hard to destroy you. I'm sorry for not being able to control my anger, I'm sorry for taking my disappointments out on you. I'm sorry for...everything.
Understand, please, that it was never about you. It was never about any of you. I liked you all, I just didn't know how to show it. Some of you were popular, surrounded by friends. Some of you were amazing artists. Some of you were very beautiful. Some of you were funny, nice, and understanding. Many of you were several of these things.
I never meant the things I said to any of you, I never meant my actions. It does not change the fact that I said and did them, I know. I just want you to understand, all of you, that there was never anything wrong with any of you. You were all wonderful, incredible people that I wished I could be like. Please, I beg, do not let my mistakes reflect poorly upon you. I am the only one who deserves that shame.
I only wanted power, and I'm sure you will all be pleased to know that I didn't find it. I'm pleased, too, as I learned that I cannot be trusted with it, even if it's imaginary.
If the world is kind to you, then none of you will ever cross paths with me again. This is for the best, I believe, though I will say that part of me greatly wishes you could, just so I could look you in the eye and give you this apology in person, like all of you deserve.
It is my deep, fervent wish that any damage I did was not permanent. If it was, then may I experience all of your pain tenfold when I reach the next life.
Be strong. And never, ever let anyone like me take you down.