A letter to all of my victims.
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A letter to all of my victims.

This is a discussion on A letter to all of my victims. within the Abuse forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; First of all, I'm sorry it's taken me years to formally write this down. Changing who you are for the ...

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Old 05-23-10, 09:12 PM   #1
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Default A letter to all of my victims.

First of all, I'm sorry it's taken me years to formally write this down. Changing who you are for the better is all well and good, but one can never fully right the wrongs done in one's past unless they make some sort of amends.

This is for the girl I used to harass on the long bus ride home, the one who always tried to hide her tears from me but never managed,
This is for the boy who's nose I nearly broke because he cut me in line,
This is for the girl I threatened and stabbed with my pencil,
This is for the crowd of people who shrank back from me in fear whenever I yelled,
This is for the small boy I repeatedly pushed into the mud,
This is for the girl who could barely show her face because of rumors I thought up,
This is for every teacher I've ever stood up to and threatened,

I am so sorry.

So little, said so late. But it has to be said.

I'm sorry for forcing my twisted ideals open you, I'm sorry for using you as experiments in my quest for higher self esteem. I'm sorry for the sick thrill I got whenever I saw the fear in your eyes, I'm sorry for the way I tried so very hard to destroy you. I'm sorry for not being able to control my anger, I'm sorry for taking my disappointments out on you. I'm sorry for...everything.

Understand, please, that it was never about you. It was never about any of you. I liked you all, I just didn't know how to show it. Some of you were popular, surrounded by friends. Some of you were amazing artists. Some of you were very beautiful. Some of you were funny, nice, and understanding. Many of you were several of these things.

I never meant the things I said to any of you, I never meant my actions. It does not change the fact that I said and did them, I know. I just want you to understand, all of you, that there was never anything wrong with any of you. You were all wonderful, incredible people that I wished I could be like. Please, I beg, do not let my mistakes reflect poorly upon you. I am the only one who deserves that shame.

I only wanted power, and I'm sure you will all be pleased to know that I didn't find it. I'm pleased, too, as I learned that I cannot be trusted with it, even if it's imaginary.

If the world is kind to you, then none of you will ever cross paths with me again. This is for the best, I believe, though I will say that part of me greatly wishes you could, just so I could look you in the eye and give you this apology in person, like all of you deserve.

It is my deep, fervent wish that any damage I did was not permanent. If it was, then may I experience all of your pain tenfold when I reach the next life.

Be strong. And never, ever let anyone like me take you down.
~Snowy
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Old 05-23-10, 09:17 PM   #2
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Nice letter Snowy....
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Old 06-04-10, 11:00 AM   #3
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Good for you, Snowy. Now forgive yourself for what you have done, and go on with living a new and better life.
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Old 06-15-10, 11:03 AM   #4
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It is difficult because clearly this person can't go on reliving the things that have happened in the past so asking for forgiveness is the only thing they can do and also try as hard as they can to be a better person.

Snowy it is a good thing that you are trying to analyse
your own behaviour and progress, well done.
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Old 06-17-10, 04:03 AM   #5
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snowy, thanks for sharing this letter.
it means a lot
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Old 10-02-10, 08:48 PM   #6
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I think if possible you should find them in person or electronically, and personally appologize to each one of them. With facebook and such these days its not too hard. Im sure you have their names in the yearbook back from grade school or high school.
This post doesnt mean nearly as much to us, as to your victims if they were to know that their bullyer was truly sorry for what you did and Im sure they'll like to know the reasons for their suffering.
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Old 10-02-10, 09:23 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SayNoMore View Post
I think if possible you should find them in person or electronically, and personally appologize to each one of them. With facebook and such these days its not too hard. Im sure you have their names in the yearbook back from grade school or high school.
This post doesnt mean nearly as much to us, as to your victims if they were to know that their bullyer was truly sorry for what you did and Im sure they'll like to know the reasons for their suffering.
This.
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Old 10-03-10, 03:55 PM   #8
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wow, that was beautifully written! And so much truth!
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Old 10-04-10, 02:30 AM   #9
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I don't think you should be feeling this much regret and guilt. `It sits in silence, eats away at me.
It feeds like cancer.
This guilt could fill a fucking sea.` I bet you know who said that, too :]
I suffer from the same feelings of regret, and I understand that you must have been so incredibly angry and that hurting others helped you deal with it, but even if you were to make amends or attempt to make amends to these people, in the end it's not going to take the things you did away from them. The past is exactly that. the past. move on.
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Old 10-04-10, 07:26 PM   #10
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Even with the best of intentions we hurt a lot of people- some we don't even know. A letter like this speaks for everyone.
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