They say forgiveness isn't for the other person, it's for you. But I think forgiveness is just giving them a chance to do it again. A leopard never changes his spots. Human nature is as human nature does.
Growing up, I was always expect to "let it go!!" We would fight, I lose be dominated, backstabbed, and humiliated. Then I was expected to not hold a grudge and to "move on!!" And true to form, it would happen all over again... until I became depressed.
I read that depression is a coping strategy designed by evolution to protect against threats to one's self-esteem. Depressives avoid people who threaten them. I only hung out with other depressives. They were unlikely to hurt me.
I'm hanging on to control so far, but part of me find depression nice or something, like poetic. Just sitting around doing fuck all. Being gentle and not hurting anyone. Having an excuse not to get angry.
But people pressure me not to become depressed. My aunt shouted, "we ALL have been depressed! We ALL have been depressed!" They think I should just "move on!!" And pull myself up by the bootstraps.
But if I do that, then they're in control. It was their idea.
What should I do? Should I become a lazy depressive?